Let’s talk about hair, baby! The hair that some call “bad” and “problematic.” The hair that some say looks like pubes and Velcro. The hair that one Vandy guy called “masculine.” The hair that only mature, open-minded men can appreciate and handle. The hair with the Milky Way swirls and never-ending spiral staircases. The hair that makes some hands recoil when they reach out to touch the coils. The hair that has been suppressed and pressed even before Madam C. J. Walker (America’s first female self-made millionaire of any race) taught many black women how to use the hot comb in the early 1900s. The hair that has more life than the people who care for it. The hair that, sadly, only 1% of black women ever get to really see sprout from their gorgeous heads. That’s a false statistic, but I used it to stress how tragic the situation is to me.
What are relaxers?
For those who do not know, a relaxer is a cream that chemically and permanently straightens afro-textured hair by breaking its disulfide bonds (the fewer the disulfide bonds, the straighter the hair). This cream, commonly known as a relaxer, is not very relaxing when it burns and scars scalps. Click the following link to see what sodium hydroxide, one of the traditional relaxer’s main ingredients, does to soda cans!
color:black’> Most African American women get relaxers every one to six months to maintain the straight hairstyles others are so used to seeing. The picture below is of me with relaxed hair when I was in high school.
What Relaxers Represent to ME
I would like to start off by saying that I do not doubt the integrity or self-confidence of any ladies who have relaxed hair. After all, I had relaxed hair for about four-and-a-half years. However, the concept of relaxing hair, as if the hair was stressed in the first place, is just one I can no longer buy into. I believe the general concept (as separate from each relaxed lady’s individual experience) of relaxing hair is far more significant and telling of black culture than it seems. It is another way in which blacks subconsciously seek to assimilate or take on characteristics of the normalized race within the United States. Speaking a European language and not knowing one’s country of origin is not enough. Blacks in the United States go a step further, taming the mane in an effort to blend in. The very few people who know me well know that I have never been a fan of blending in or “going with the flow.” Therefore, my transition from relaxed to natural did not come as a surprise to them.
My Transition from Relaxed to Natural
My transition was easy in some ways and very difficult in others. I was a freshman in college when I embarked on my hair journey. I had already gone six months without a relaxer when I started it. However, I did not consciously make the decision to stop getting relaxers until February 11, 2011. I thought it would be easy because, as a natural during my middle school years, I literally fried my hair with a hot comb once a week. Therefore, I never really got to know my hair’s real texture.
I assumed my natural hair texture would be soft and easy to manage because my mother has soft, wavy hair. I was in for a big surprise. I discovered that I have what I like to call “fresh off the boat hair.” Only black people are allowed to laugh at that joke, by the way…I’m serious. After three inches of kinks had sprouted from my scalp without being “tamed” by a relaxer, the situation got real. Many hairstyles looked awkward since I had two hair textures (the kinky, natural roots and the relaxed, thin ends). Furthermore, my hair kept breaking at the line of demarcation. But, I didn’t get discouraged. I got creative. I wore styles I had never worn before, like this one:
I eventually got over my addiction to heat tools, and I was able to stay away from them for months at a time. So, I perked up! I was so excited about my transition from relaxed to natural. Then, something happened. I went home for the summer. My lovely mother, who is usually very supportive, did not approve of my journey. She and my older brother, who has the soft wavy hair my mom has, began to insult my natural hair texture. They kept asking me what I had done to change my hair texture. I can now somewhat understand why they were concerned, because I have looked back on elementary school pictures to see that my texture was softer back then. However, whose place is it to say that soft hair is “good hair” and coarse hair is “bad hair?” Why did my fellow black people believe something was wrong with my hair simply because its texture became coarser? Because many (not all) blacks have been brainwashed. They are so used to seeing other blacks with straight hair that they insult any black that goes against the status quo. I boldly call that self-contempt that has been instilled in blacks in America for centuries.
My Spiritual Liberation Day: A Reawakening
After being relaxer-free for a year and a half, I decided that the time had come to rid my head of all unnatural things. I started cutting off my relaxed ends on the night of February 22, 2012, and I finished the morning of February 23, 2012. The date of my “big chop” is somewhat significant. After all, it was during Black History Month and about a year after the day I consciously made the decision to stop getting relaxers. It was a beautiful experience. I have never been so in love with my hair. Precious’ Hair is amazing, and I hope to have as much spunk as her when I grow up. Words cannot describe the sense of accomplishment and pride that overwhelmed me as I looked at my beautiful reflection. I almost cried, and I was reawakened in a sense. My hair is now the way it was meant to be. The way He meant for it to be. May the relaxed ends rest in peace, because they were not relaxing to my mind and soul. It’s a spiritual thing. A woman’s hair is her glory. Although my hair has never been this short in my life, it is so worth it.
I will do my best to instill in my future daughter(s) a love of natural black hair, because it saddens me that black women have to go or transition to natural. Why can’t we just be natural? There is no other race of women that chemically alters the makeup and appearance of their hair to the extent that black women do. I do not seek to insult black women with relaxed hair. I simply wish to beg and pray that you give yourselves a chance to know what your natural hair texture looks like. You can always relax your hair again after that discovery if you wish to do so. Just think about why black women relax their hair. You may argue that it is not a dislike of natural black hair, but simply a familiarity with relaxed black hair. My response would be to ask why one is more familiar to us in the first place. Hop outside the boxes of these social constructions called beauty and femininity. If you find that you don’t like being on the outside looking in, hop back in the box. Watch your step though—there is not much room in there.
I will leave you all with a picture of my gorgeous hair hero. Check out her website at http://aliciajames.wordpress.com . Why am I not this gorgeous?
Remember, you are beautiful! “No need to change who [you] be.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VieiHruL4Oo