Maybe you’re incoming freshmen at different colleges or maybe your summer fling turned into something more, but either way, you might now be dealing with the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship. The truth: Such relationships are very difficult but can be worth the effort in the long run. I personally have been in a long distance-relationship for about two years. My boyfriend and I dated all through high school and never intended to go to the same college. Both of us were accepted to our dream schools: mine was Vanderbilt and his was the Naval Academy. We knew our relationship was going to become hard, especially with his military restrictions, but we didn’t want to cut it off just because it wouldn’t be easy. There was also no pressure that we would be together forever; we just wanted to keep our relationship going until it fizzled out as some long-distance relationships do. Here are some tips that he and I have used to keep our relationship strong:
1. Trust.
No relationship will last without trust. Wasting time wondering if your boyfriend is being faithful is bad. You need to be able to relax and not think about him hooking up with every girl he sees. Make sure you guys trust each other so that you can have a healthy relationship, rather than worrying about babysitting each other to “do the right thing.”
2. Communication.
Talk, text, write letters, Skype. Any little thing just to keep him updated and let him know you’re thinking of him. It can be about anything: a test you’re nervous about, a new friend you made, a horrible teacher. A good boyfriend wants to know what is going on in your life (and make sure you ask about what’s going on in his! Boys love to talk about themselves too…) Don’t worry if you can’t Skype every night though- my boyfriend and I have a once-a-week ritual so we can still make new friends while keeping our relationship strong.
3. Appreciate the little things.
My boyfriend was gone the entire summer for boot camp, and all we could do was write letters to each other. Now that he has more privileges, I appreciate every little text or phone call. Understand that you each have your own schedule and they might not sync up all the time. If you know that he is trying but can only send a few texts a day, you can’t pick on him for that. But if that isn’t enough, be aware that it might be best for both of you if you end it.
4. Talk about your relationship.
Before starting the long-distance, let him know what you expect and ask him about his own expectations. Discuss how often you want to talk, what you’re nervous about, and plan a visit that you can look forward to. That way you’re both more comfortable when you first leave, as you’ll know what to expect.
Just remember that long distance DOES actually work! But never force it- love is not a static thing and it’s okay to move on. College is all about finding who you are—trust yourself and enjoy your love life!