Racist Relations?

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We are often told to look for the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Watch out for the red flags they say, right? Are they controlling? Are they possessive? Are they racist? Yes, you read that right. In the last few decades interracial dating has become much less taboo, which is awesome. It’s awesome that we’ve progressed so much as a society that we’re allowing people to love without reservation, but even interracial dating can be plagued with racism. “But if they love me how are they racist?” Well, racism is more than just a racial slur. Racism is systemic and bigger than just a blatant display of hatred. Just as you should aspire to be in a relationship free from abuse, you should aspire to be in a relationship free of racial disparity. It is totally unhealthy and can negatively affect you just as all unhealthy relationships can. So to protect you I’ve listed a few warning signs your partner may be racist.

They’re “Colorblind” 

 

To say that they’re colorblind means that they’re totally ignoring a huge part of your identity. Because of your color you lead a totally different life than them. A harder life filled with much less opportunity because of systemic racism. The color of your skin exposes you to prejudice they’ll never experience. You could miss out on a job, you may not get a loan, you may not get a taxi simply because your skin is darker. Ignoring color means that they’re ignoring the hardships that you face on a daily basis. It means that they refuse to understand their privilege and your lack there of, and I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be with anyone like that.

They’re trying you on for size

If your partner has never dated outside of their race and they’re trying you as something new, thats pretty racist. You should get to know people for them, and not as an experiment. People of color aren’t some sort of novelty item. We aren’t your thirty day trial. If your partner says something along these lines RUN. They may be fetishizing you because of your race. People of color are often fetishized by the stereotypes that plague them. For example, one nasty stereotype that haunts Hispanic women is their “spicy” attitude. Many men sexualize them because of this and go after them for the stereotype and not for who they are. That’s very wrong and very racist. Please run!

They don’t try to understand

 

If they try to downplay your struggle instead of trying to understand your struggle, yeah, they may be racist. We all know that people of color have it harder due to systemic racism. If they refuse to believe it, argue with you about it, or compare their struggle to yours drop them. You need someone that acknowledges the differences between the two of you and understands their privilege. That way, they can be an awesome ally and an awesome partner. 

They tell you whats wrong with your race

This one is probably the most obvious. If they’re telling you whats wrong with your people then leave, please leave. They have no right to tell you how you should be doing it. They could never understand. I mean… thats pretty much it. If you hear something along the lines of “what’s wrong with y’all is,” or “what you need to do is,” just walk away. 

They have racist family and friends

Now, I know there are exceptions, but birds of a feather usually flock together. If you’re hanging around with nine robbers then you’re bound to be the tenth. If Jimmy cracks corn and you’re hungry you’re probably going to eat it. Anyway, if their friends and family are racist then they probably have some sort of racial bias. That’s bad, but if they listen and they try to change, then you can work on things. The issue is when their friends and family are being racists but they DON’T correct them and they DON’T ask them to apologize. If they sweep the comments of their friends and family under the rug, instead of calling them out you have an issue. They should be defending you. If their friends and family make you uncomfortable and they ask you to ignore it instead of trying to make you comfortable then they obviously don’t care enough about you, and probably agree with them a little. 

Well their you have a folks! A few tips to keep you out of an unhealthy relationship. Now, this article is not meant to dissuade you from approaching people outside of your race. In fact, it is meant to make sure you treat them with respect and that you are treated with respect. So next time when you’re out on the prowl keep these tips in mind so that your next relationship may be happy, healthy, and full of love.