Domestic Violence is very common in American households whether it be between adults or between an adult and a child. It can affect everyone that has to endure or observe the situation. If you don’t know how to help or what you can do here are a couple of helpful tips.
Be there for the survivor
Don’t ridicule them or try to push them, just support them and make them aware of resources available to them. Most people will fight you if you come off too aggressive about thier relationship, so be sure that your are understanding and not demanding.
My Experience
I was not in a physically abusive relationship, but I did have the unfortunate experience of observing one in my household. I live with my brothers and a parent. When my parent first introduced us to their partner they seemed normal, other than having a questionable past, they appeared to be a perfect partner to my brothers and me. Soon they were spending weeks at our house, and my brothers and I started to refer to this person as a parent. We were obviously attached to this person which I’m sure made it much more difficult for my parent to end their relationship. Suddenly my parent kicked them out, and my brothers and I were distraught; and although we did not know everything that was happening behind closed doors, instead of divulging what was happening, our parent brought their abuser back into our household.
This is when we started to witness the abuse. The abuser not only physically assaulted our parents, but also brandished a weapon in front of us, which gave me a long-standing fear of guns. This person also told lies about us to our parent and tried to break into the house several times, as well as sexually assaulting our parent on numerous occasions one of which I could hear. These experiences created trauma within me and likely my younger brothers as well, and these displays could have also affected the way we viewed relationships as well. I believed this could be the case because I later found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship, and because I was not being physically abused I did not recognize it as abuse. However, being away from the relationship and the person made me realize just how miserable I felt with them, and how I was continuously manipulated by them to stay in the relationship.
If you have ever had to witness traumatic events like those of which I have witnessed above I encourage you to seek therapy, to help counteract some of the subliminal conditioning this creates. Therapy may also help quell any fears related to the events. Be mindful of your mental health and try to be as kind and encouraging to others as possible, because you never know what someone else is dealing with at home.
HCXO
“It was when I realized I needed to stop trying to be somebody else and be myself, I actually started to own, accept and love what I had.”
Tracee Ellis Ross