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It’s Not Him, It’s You

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Valdosta chapter.

There has been a time in every girl’s life where we’ve experienced a break up, or two, maybe even three. During those days of deleting numbers and packing up his box dismissing him to the left, have you ever self-reflected on why all of your relationships have ended? You don’t go after the same kind of guy and they all seem to end in the same ways, so what could it be?

 Most of us ladies might not want to admit it but maybe it’s not them, it’s YOU! Although you may be the common denominator in many a failed relationships, you can always change the error in your ways. But before you can change you have to know what the problem might be. Here are a few things guys find to be relationship destroyers so if you fall under any of these categories you might just be the problem.

Stuck Like Glue

One of the reasons we get into relationships with people is because we enjoy their company. So who wouldn’t want to spend time with their better half? But then again who really wants to spend ALL their time with their better half? If you don’t give him the chance to miss you then he is going to feel suffocated. So don’t be a clingy girlfriend: the one who goes out with the guys, has to text all day and talks on the phone all night. There is nothing wrong with giving each other some space, trust me he’ll be there when you need him!

Lack of Confidence

Being confident in yourself is not only a good trait to have in a relationship but also in life. Knowing that you are a queen and carrying yourself like on will only bring respect and a good man to your side. Lack of confidence can bring insecurities, mistrust and negative thoughts that don’t necessarily fall on your man… just you. Nobody wants to be in relationship with a girl who doesn’t know she woke up as a queen, so look in the mirror and straighten up that crown!

Argument Queen

All couples don’t see eye to eye on every topic of discussion so it’s inevitable that arguments will arise every once in a while. But who really wants to scream their heads off on a regular basis, usually about nothing?! Some guys will tolerate arguing and attitude because they want to make up with their honey but eventually… the arguing gets old, and so does the relationship. Don’t be that girlfriend that argues for the sake of hearing your own voice because the only voice you’ll hear eventually is your own!


Most guys I know want a girl on their arm that compliments them. So a girl that doesn’t keep up with her physical appearance doesn’t necessarily make him feel like the luckiest man in the world. Hitting the gym a couple times a week and channeling our inner Beyonce’ every single day might be a tad bit farfetched for some of us ladies but putting forth that effort not just for our man, but for ourselves, will not only have us looking but also feeling good! And what girl doesn’t want people to think: “Dang! How did he get her?”

Too Flirty

Although you make think your man may have all the confidence in world and an ego as big as Kanye’s, but even flirting too much with everyone but him can make him insecure in the relationship. Your man wants to feel like your one and only. Giving too many other people your attention makes him feel like he isn’t as important to you as you may be to him. If you fall under this category your best bet would be to put your blinders on to all other guys and focus on the prize, your lucky man.

There are many other things that different guys may find as deal breakers in relationships, but we all know the saying “treat others the way you’d want to be treated”. None of us are perfect, and some relationships are temporary. Some of us have to face it ladies, sometimes it’s not him, it’s you!

Valdosta State University senior, majoring in Public Relations with a minor in African-American studies.  Food connoisseur, beauty sleep expert, binge watching aficionado, and avid art consumer. 
Her Campus at Valdosta State.