Choosing romantic partners, I’ll admit, is not my specialty; but I kick ass when it comes to choosing great friends. I’ve been through the ringer with some not-so-great friendships in the past that prompted me to re-evaluate who I was allowing to take up space in my life. I said “thank you, next” to toxicity, pettiness and jealousy and chose friends who made me feel genuinely good about myself.
Most of my best friends now started off as just class acquaintances or roommates. It was up to us to determine whether or not to move our situational relationship towards a more intimate connection. Here’s three things that separate the good friends from the great ones:
1. Sacrifice
Does this friend show up for you without you having to ask?
Will they stand in a parking space when you’re running late for class so you don’t lose any more attendance points? Will they buy you chicken nuggets when you pull an all-nighter in the library? Will they do your geology homework while you’re stuck on a plane with no WiFi?
My best friends and I do sh*t like this for each other all the time. Most of the time, we don’t have to ask. We can be counted on to show up and show out for each other when we can, but it’s also totally okay for us to say no. We set healthy boundaries, and we don’t reach out only when we need something.
2. Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure (sharing personal sh*t about yourself) can make you feel less stressed about something or less alone in a situation. And when it’s reciprocated, it can take a relationship from study buddy to wine drunk trash-talking our exes underneath a Christmas tree in a single night.
Of course, great friends still have healthy boundaries (see the pattern, wink wink), and they understand that you own your private information and can choose what to do with it. However, having someone to talk through sh*t with when you need to is so fulfilling. I mean, if I didn’t have my best friends to talk about my period issues with, I don’t know what I’d do.
3. Validation
Validation goes hand in hand with self-disclosure. Great friends know that it’s not their place to judge anything that you share with them. They will validate all of your feelings and let you know that it’s perfectly okay to feel sh*tty or happy or horny or stressed. Everyone views life through very personal lenses that have been shaped by their personal experiences and background. Great friends will let you know you’re valid even when they don’t understand.
Lastly, remember that finding great friends starts with being a great friend! We can always improve ourselves, and it’s important to be aware of our bullsh*t so that we can improve.
I hope you thrive this week, ladies! HCXO!