Society tells us women that we are born to play the submissive instead of boss, the understudy instead of the first choice and the ones at fault instead of the victim. Women playing the roles of ‘the ones at fault’ is probably the longest role we’ve ever played. We’ve been playing this role since we were little girls.
Think about it! Remember running or lounging around the house in what your mother would consider ‘barely clothing’ which was really just shorts and a small tank top and she’d tell you, “Go back upstairs and put some clothes on! There are men in this house”? That’s the moment we took on the role as “the ones at fault.”
We didn’t stop playing our role from there. In fact, our role got much more intense when we were placed in a different setting. We went from home to school, where we were given a set of rules on what not to wear because it would be a distraction for the male students and teachers. If we didn’t follow the rules and wore something that showed just a little bit too much skin, we were pulled out of class and told to change into something less inappropriate that didn’t show too much leg, too much cleavage or bare shoulders. We were scolded, talked down to and embarrassed by school officials just because of the clothing we wore. Every time we got pulled out of class, our education was interrupted.
That was just school for you! Then entered the boyfriend. The boyfriend who told you, “You look good in everything you wear.” But mind you, this was the same boyfriend who didn’t let you go out in those jeans that made your butt look really good because other guys would look at you and that would lead them to having sexual thoughts about you. This was the same boyfriend who told you that it was your fault for other guys having sexual thoughts about you because you wore those jeans.
Now, let’s go back and rewind a little bit.
For the mothers who told us to go back upstairs and put some clothes on because there were men in house, why did you have those kind of ‘men’ in the house? The kind of men that would’ve been made uncomfortable seeing a little girl wearing a tank top and shorts. Seems to me that if the men felt uncomfortable seeing a child in that kind of clothing, they should’ve left the house.
Now let’s go back to the school officials who made up these stupid dress code rules and pulled us out of class when we didn’t follow the rules. Us women, were in school to learn just like the men were. To have given us stupid rules like: don’t show too much leg, not too much cleavage and no bare shoulders because it would’ve distracted the males was just so appalling. To have pulled us out of class when we didn’t follow your stupid rules was just so unbelievable. The dress code was totally biased against women and it supported the idea that “Boys will always be boys.” School officials should’ve dismissed the dress code and should’ve taught the males that women were not sexual objects you just got off from.
Now to the boyfriend! Women will always wear what we want, when we want, wherever we want! If other guys wanted to look at us and have sexual thoughts about us, then that was on him. These other guys’ sexual thoughts about us don’t define us for what kind of women we were. It defined THEM as sick, horny, sexist men.
How are women born to play the role of “the ones at fault” when the dress code we’re given is a form of victim blaming?