Challenging social norms is terrifying, and absolutely thrilling at the same time.
I consider myself to be a strong, independent women, yet there I was waiting on a guy to make the first move. Why couldn’t I? Why have I been lead to believe that the guy has to do it, and I have to sit and wait on him to work up the courage? I had been waiting for months for this guy to make a move. I would analyze every word he said to me, his body language,and everything in between. Wondering if that smile was flirtatious or just friendly? When ultimately, I got sick of it.
I took things in my own hands, and I did it. I asked him out. First.
It was hands down the scariest 35 seconds of my life. I’ve never had adrenaline rush through my body like that. I’ve never had to focus on the words that come out of my mouth more. “Annunciate”, I thought to myself. Don’t stutter.
The words, “do you wanna grab coffee sometime?” slipped out and I couldn’t take them back. I couldn’t hide behind the screen of my phone, or distract myself while waiting for a response. This was in person, up close and personal. The old fashioned way, but re-vamped.
After asking, I was still nervous but so relieved. I finally did it. At this point it felt like I wasn’t doing it for the date, I was doing it for me. To gain some power back, to boost my confidence, and remind myself of who I am. If you’re wondering how the story ends, the rest of the conversation went smoothly and I managed not to stumble over my words. He said yes, and seemed really into it. The dating aspect of it, not so much. That’s a different story, for another time though.
Asking the guy out first taught me a lot about myself.
I’m in control.
I don’t need society to tell me the right or wrong steps in dating, and who should be making all the moves. The gender roles don’t really matter as long as everyone is happy. If I want to ask a guy out because I’m interested in him, I can! The stupid games of waiting for him to ask for my number first, then waiting till we’ve texted a few times and we’re friends on snapchat is bullshit. The idea of woman being in charge is intimidating for some, but no longer for me.
Confidence is key.
Sitting around and waiting can beat on one’s self esteem, I know it broke mine down. So when I decided to take that leap of faith, and when it actually well, I’ve never felt better about myself. This person is actually into me, and I was able to do it for myself! I felt like I was the hottest girl around (only in my mind though) simply because I made the first move. When I told all my friends about it so many of them said “I could never do that!” and I want everyone to know…. They can! They should!
I learned to believe in myself.
I had been dreaming of that moment for weeks, and when I finally set my mind to it, I did it. I knew I had it in me and I’m so thankful that I did it. I would doubt myself everyday after talking to him, trying to talk myself out of it all. When in reality, I just needed that extra push from within.
I am stronger than my loudest insecurities.
Rejection is scary. We all fear it, isn’t that why we sit around and wait for the right time? For a “sign”? Something to be right in front our faces to tell us to do it. Or for them to just tell us they like us. I got sick of listening to my insecurities telling me I’m not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, that he’s out of my league, etc. The list can go on and on. I needed to shut them up, and get some peace of mind.
Making the first move is scarier than any scary movie I’ve ever seen (and I’ve seen a lot), but so worth it. Not even for the guy, but for yourself. It pushes you to the next level of self love and confidence you’ve been trying to reach. If things workout between you and the guy, score! Congrats! If not, don’t even worry about it girl. He clearly couldn’t handle a strong woman like you who made the first move.
Take the chance. You won’t regret it.