So what is having trust issues really like?
It’s not necessarily messaging your boyfriend every two seconds or following his every move, but it’s knowing exactly what he was doing when he said he couldn’t make it to dinner last night. It’s asking all of your friends and his friends what they think of him because you know you can’t trust your own judgment anymore. It’s wondering what’s up when he misses a call. It’s knowing just when he finishes work so you can expect him to text you back roughly 5 minutes (at most) after his shift ends…
… And you know all that sounds crazy. You know it’s not normal that you think this way. You know you sound like one of those crazy girlfriends from movies. You know you have to trust him more or else the relationship can’t work. And you know that he isn’t cheating on you and that he loves you – he tells you all the time. But it’s the little things that he doesn’t do and your over-sensitivity to the way he looks at you weird when you make a joke you thought would be funny. Why didn’t he laugh? Maybe he doesn’t think I’m funny. Well, he’s gonna find a funnier girl one day. I’m so temporary. I’m wasting his time.
Is it your fault for thinking these things? No. You’ve been trained to think a certain way by your former abusive and/or disrespectful partners, friends, or family. You’ve been manipulated to blame yourself for feeling certain things. You’ve been trained to believe he will cheat on you, lie to you, or something else if he behaves a certain way.
The good news is that not every man is the same. Not every man is manipulative, a cheater, an abuser, or anything like that. Some men are honest and genuine . At Least most men are. . It’s hard to believe. You find yourself astounded every time he has a legitimate, credible reason for missing a date. You find it remarkable that he tells you about some girl who was on him at a party and that he did the right thing and didn’t end up cheating on you. You still find it hard to believe when he says he loves you; you think of the other times a man has said that just to get his way. But he’s done a number of things to prove what he says. So you keep giving him chances.
And when you are put in really tough situations, like when he goes away for the summer, when he goes to a party with mostly girls without you, or when he says he’s talking to his ex again, there’s one thing you have to remember: whatever happens, happens. And sure, you don’t want the worst to happen. By the way he’s proven his love, it probably won’t. But when you feel out of control, the thing to accept is that he is a grown person who must choose and be responsible for his own actions. So if he does make a wrong decision, you’ll just have to deal with it then. Don’t expect him to make a bad choice, and try not to worry about if he does; remember all the good things he’s done to prove he’s a good guy. But if he does, just know you’re not alone, you’ve been through the pain before, and you have the strength to conquer anything.
We can be very fragile beings. Strong in every way, but also fragile. We deal with the panic that we’re not good enough almost every day. We have to trust that they genuinely love us – how could we ever know that for sure? But that is the beauty of trust. Despite everything that tells us not to, we still trust. And that’s the best we can do. We might freak out on him sometimes. We might expect him to do astounding things to prove his love (which is unrealistic and unnecessary at times). But our broken hearts will be mended, through the process of loving ourselves and having an openness towards others.