I decided I was a writer in grade three. We wrote a short story and were told to illustrate each page. We made actual books out of our own work by binding them. I was a teacher’s pet and she loved my work, so much so that she asked me to go to the principal’s office to read my work aloud to her. I remember being so nervous but then the principle gave me a golden apple bookmark (it was actually pretty damn cool) for my creativity and good work.
This escalated through the years and I was invested in writing stories about interesting characters and life. I am an emotional writer in that I write what I believe in and know. If I can’t feel it, I can’t write it.
Writer’s block hit me at the end of grade twelve and into the beginning of university. After about two years of virtually not writing, I started writing free verse poetry so that things didn’t have to make structural sense; my emotions just had to transfer onto the page in just a few words.
This worked for a while but I found I could only write so much. I was writing more or less about the same thing: an ex I was having a really hard time getting over. It was cathartic to write about it, but it dawned on me that I hadn’t really experienced anything new since that moment and that I was psychologically trapped in that period of time. I hadn’t dated since him, hadn’t made new friends, and my only travel experience was tainted by my final conversation with him – the absolute end of everything with him.
I read a quote by Henry David Thoreau that completely changed my perspective on things. What did I used to care about more than anything? Writing. But I couldn’t possibly write about anything if I didn’t know anything. So instead of thinking about anything in terms of my ex (e.g. “I will start traveling more so that he can see I’m doing just fine without him”), I decided to focus all my intentions on writing better. This changed my entire perspective because a) it was taking my focus off of a toxic relationship that still hung over my head and b) it put that focus and energy into wanting to do something I fully enjoy and want to be successful with.
I starting saying yes to going on dates with a bunch of guys I usually would have made excuses not to go on. I found my current boyfriend because of that. We’ve dated for a year so far and I am so completely happy with what I have shared with him. I started a business, too. OOLO app has become a huge part of my life even though I’m an English student with NO former business experience. I am also working on moving out, travelling more, and overcoming my huge fear of driving.
Things have completely changed for me since I started saying “yes.” People that I talk to know this about me, but might not know the real reason. Even though I still don’t write too much these days because I am so busy with school, running a business, and publishing a book with Black Moss Press (see my last article), I am much more inspired because of the conversations I’ve had with people I’ve met and the things I’ve done.
I want to be a writer who knows what it is to live the story I write. And another thing about saying “yes” is finally sitting down and overcoming a growing fear that what I write won’t be good enough. Some things don’t turn out the way we want them to, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give it a go anyway.