I grew up in Toronto. I never moved homes, and my family all moved away from each other. Have two best friends I made in high school, who live in Toronto and weren’t moving away from home. I had a close relationship with my parents, brother, and uncle who has down syndrome. My brother and uncle were constantly making me laugh, the reason I had a smile on my face. But I had decided to leave, to attend the Education program so I could be a Special Needs Teacher. It was a 4-hour drive between Toronto and Windsor, and at first I didn’t think that was very far. But this was the only school that had the program I wanted, and it was the one I had fallen in love with. I wanted to move away from home, get the experience and gain some independence, so I decided it was the best option for me to go.
Shopping for dorm room furniture was hard. I wasn’t sure what I would want my little 10-foot area to look like. My mom was basically shopping every day at this point, and I really just didn’t expect it to come that quickly. I would now have even less time with my family, and be in a city all alone. I felt nervous, but I also felt brave since I was making such a big decision without any influence from others.
But the day came when I had to move, and it was difficult saying goodbye to my parents because it wasn’t until a month later that I would see them again. I held back tears, could see they were upset yet proud, and my dad even told me they were. Then they left. I didn’t really make many friends that first week, but I felt like if I was in a different city, where no one knew me, I could probably do it. And I did make friends. But I ended up being sexually violated a few times; I also ended up dating a guy, who I had decided to move in with come the summer because we were already always together and had no one else to move in with, so why not? The first little while was perfect. I had everything I wanted: a partner who cared so much about me, my own place, and no curfew or parents spying on me.
I lost interest in my dream program, but I changed into a social justice program that would help others. My relationship quickly shifted shortly after that, and I realized I was dating a man who was emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive. I left my lovely apartment, the only real home I knew in Windsor, and moved into another apartment with a friend.
That first year was definitely hard; I barely saw my family, missed the comfort of a big, loud, busy city for a smaller, quieter, calmer one; missed the feeling of being at-home, around family who relied on me. But it got easier once I felt the sense of a place of comfort to call my own. But then I had lost that, and now I’m discovering myself again.
I learned a lot about myself: that some of my interests were not common interests like they were back home; the beliefs I had while living at home would change; my independence and how that would change who I am as a person.
I also learned how expensive it was to live on my own, quickly wishing that I could live rent-free at my parents place. I was able to walk around at night, in the city, without fear that had been instilled in me about crime in Toronto. I quickly learned my way around Windsor, and I learned how to cook and enjoy doing so. Although at first I absolutely hated it and now I enjoy doing it for myself and others.
I think the thing that scared me the most out of the experience is that I feel like my interests stayed relatively the same, but the person I wanted to be is who I became. I am able to connect with others and the experience around me way more; I knew what I wanted was what I chose to do; that my parents were now more like friends than parents; and that I was happy with the choices I had made in my life.