There’s a fine line between casually seeing someone and trying to make something serious out of it. There are a few things to consider to visualize if the relationship will last and if it’ll be worth the effort put into it. Here are eight ways to tell if you should settle in:
1.) Figure Out Intentions
This is something you’ll know after a little while of talking. The obvious question in mind is: do they want to spend the night with you or do they want to wake up next to you? Maybe they don’t want anything of the sort at all. You have to consider what you want, too. If you take looks and sex out of the picture, do you still find them “attractive”? Different intentions can lead to awful drama. Find out if you want the same things; that way, you can tread that path together.
2.) “Forever”
Can you picture spending forever together? Chey Shuart from UWindsor explains that you don’t have to make plans to spend the rest of your lives together – that’s rather ambitious – but if you can’t even imagine it, or don’t want to imagine it, then you automatically know that it will be an unsuccessful, short-term relationship. Commitment involves the promise of trying over and over again to make it work till the very last drop of the relationship. The hope is that the ‘last drop’ will follow the rules of “until death do us part”. For the time being, it’s not the destination that matters, but the commitment to stay on that path with the other.
3.) Age gap
Sometimes this isn’t as important in the beginning. However, mentioned in the last point, you have to consider the future. Will he be graduating before you? Will his career take him somewhere that you’re not going because you’re still stuck in school? Maybe you’re older: will you be able to handle knowing more about university and the world than him? Will you be frustrated because he doesn’t understand what you’re going through sometimes? Yes, this assumes that age equals wisdom, which isn’t always true, but it’s important to know that different ages bring different opportunities. You won’t be able to share everything with each other if there’s a relatively big age difference.
4.) His Friends
Who you spend your time with will inevitably affect your opinions, your behaviour, and your overall character. Mohammed Nimeh from UWindsor explains that your friends are your mirror. Also, the way a guy’s friends talk to him about you might eventually affect his opinions of you. Think about your own life: if your girl friends are all telling you bad things about the guy or don’t like him for whatever reason, that’s going to affect your choice of commitment.
5.) Your Friends
Going off the last point, your friends need to get along with him. No, they don’t need to be best friends. They don’t need to see him as often as you do. However, if your friends don’t like him, it’s going to create tension every time you want to talk about him or bring him to some event. Balancing friends with a boyfriend can be tricky, but if it’s meant to be, there won’t be enough tension to create conflict.
6.) His Relationship with His Mother and Sister
I never considered this before a year ago, but it clarified everything I’d ever experienced with a guy. If he respects his mother and wants to please her despite her irrational overreactions (which mothers are known for), you can expect that in your relationship with him, as well. His relationship with his sister will also showcase his limits of patience and tolerance. However he treats these women is how he’ll treat you. Consider both how he behaves when things are easy and when things aren’t going according to plan.
7.) Conflict Areas
There are obviously some things that you two won’t always agree on: Blackberry vs Samsung, coffee vs tea, sunsets vs sunrises, Maple Leafs vs Red Wings. These things are trivial; if you’re fighting constantly over them, then your relationship will be a very bumpy one. Beyond those minor opinions, political, religious, and humanitarian beliefs are things that should be considered. It sounds rather immature to say, “I can’t be with you because you voted NDP while I voted Conservative,” but it’s more than that. It describes your core values. Our Lancer, Kees Schuller, says that these things reflect one’s own goals and aspirations and it affects your overall compatibility with the other person. Commitment is a long-term mindset. How long can you deal with him and you arguing about abortion rights, and how will that affect your views of him overall?
8.) Relationship History
Like the age gap, sometimes this isn’t the worst thing possible. However, it is nice to be with someone who’s had the same amount of experience as you, relatively speaking. People who haven’t had a serious relationship tend to anticipate different things from a relationship than someone who has. This ties in with the first point about intentions: have you fallen in love before and want that memorable feeling back? If they haven’t experienced that, they probably don’t know the level of patience and understanding it takes and it might be frustrating to deal with that. If the roles are reversed, maybe you’re overwhelmed by how serious they seem if you’ve never had the experience of love and heartbreak before.
In the end, finding the ‘right guy’ is a trial and error process. You’ll never know in the very beginning. It’s all guesswork until some defining moment of lightning and rainbows. Taking a chance on a guy takes a lot of trust and risk. Considering these things might help you realize if it’ll be a good match, but circumstances and fate can never be predicted. The important thing is just to appreciate the other for who they are and to enjoy any moment that you can share with them.