It’s that time of year again when Valentine’s day has just passed and the newest season of the bachelor is ending and we either indulge in chocolate and wine while dreaming of our fantasy love or compare our relationship to the one or multiple ones Arie has with his many women. Don’t get me wrong, I love to sit around with my girlfriends and watch the drama empload on the television. In this last season however, I thought to myself “WOW these poor women are putting themselves through so much pain all for a relationship that 20 other women attempt to have with this one man.” Then another thought came up and it was “Imagine all the terrible unrealistic expectations this show has set of love.” On that note, I am going to unravel three of the worst ways this show portrays love to be. Photo by Paul Herbert ABC
Love is all about what you can do for ME
This idea that Arie is looking for the one through a contest is horrific because it displays that Love is selfish and is all about how one woman out of 22 others is the best because of what she can do for HIM. Not because he would ever care about her and unconditionally love her but how he can benefit from it. This is one of the most unrealistic expectations because nobody is perfect and he’s not really loving these women for them, but for himself. It makes love appear to be unstable and could crumble at any minute if someone says the wrong thing or is actually vulnerable and shows their flaws. This show is basically a beauty pageant with extra interviews and it’s sending this message to the millions of viewers watching.
2. Men can love and date and kiss multiple women at one time
This expectation that men can date and do whatever with women while pursuing others is also unrealistic. Love is more than emotion. It’s actively pursuing someone because you care about them and want the best for them. If Arie really cared about these women he wouldn’t choose to be the center of their lives for a season and then just throw them away because he found something wrong after knowing them a few short weeks.
3. Love is temporary and men can change their minds
Arie is one of the most hated men in America for turning his back on his soon to be wife Becca to go back to a woman he left just months before. I don’t actually hate Arie, I really feel bad for him, not because he is so unliked now, but because he doesn’t really know what the four letter word LOVE means. The bachelor is setting this expectation that men should treat women they way he does and it’s unexceptable. Love should not be thrown around carelessly and it shouldn’t be temporary. It’s not an emotion that can change depending on how you feel but an action that you commit to everyday no matter the cost. True love is sacrifice and actually caring about the person you claim to love more than you do about yourself. The truth is, you can’t love someone else as you love yourself if you haven’t learned how to love you.
Love is very tricky but not impossible. We are just looking at the worst possible representations of love. The world will tell you that it’s temporary,only physical, or even selfish but real love isn’t. Real love is commitment,loyalty, patience, honesty, sacrifice, and hard, but it’s worth it. From love comes marriage which is another thing taken so haphazardly. So be self aware and know that marriage and love doesn’t give you anything more than you already have except exposure. Who you are in your singleness is exactly what you bring to the table when you find love.