If you’ve ever tried to speak to someone with cancer, you know that the words can get stuck in your throat. It’s a conversational minefield. Luckily, your friendly neighborhood cancer kid (that’s me!) is here to help. In honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, I’ve compiled a list of things that you definitely shouldn’t say to people with cancer:
1.“God has a plan for you.”
This one varies from cancer kid to cancer kid. Some of us take great solace in the idea that God is using us for something bigger than ourselves. I was not one of those cancer kids. If this was a test from a higher power, it would have been nice to get a textbook or even a pamphlet to prepare.
2.“How are you?”
Peachy. Doin’ great.
3.“My sixth cousin twice removed had what you have.”
Oh, really? What happened to her? Did she die? Then do not bring it up! Not only is it wildly discouraging, it’s probably irrelevant. With new research emerging every year, your sixth-cousin-twice-removed was being treated with Stone Age drugs fifteen years ago.
4.“At least you don’t have to take exams.”
Haha, yeah! I’m just fighting for my life on a battlefield of hospital gowns and chemotherapy! It’s like a vacation from school! Haha! Wow! I’m so lucky!
5.“Toughen up, buttercup.”
This is stupidly insensitive. I promise you that any cancer kid who has the courage to wake up in the morning is being tough enough. We are physically and mentally exhausted. This is hard.
6.“You look so pale.”
We’ve probably been sleeping for the last twenty-two hours, spending an inordinate amount of time puking from our hospital beds, and the Sun gives you cancer. Do the math.
7.“Why don’t you wear a wig?”
If we have the proverbial balls to go bald, don’t question it. Support us. I didn’t want to wear a hot, itchy wig to make you more comfortable at the grocery store. Some of us like the normalcy of wigs and some of us just don’t. It’s really none of your business.
8.“I’m gonna miss you.”
I… I shouldn’t have to explain why this is unacceptable. Collective cancer kid response:
9.“Do you think this is karma for something you did?”
Listen, while I was hooked up to a relentlessly beeping machine that pumped poison into my heart through a catheter in my chest, I came up with every possible reason that my leg decided to grow a tumor. Karma was one of those possible reasons. However, I can’t think of a single thing I’ve done that warrants the financial, emotional, and physical destruction that cancer brought into my life.
10.“Cancer isn’t a big deal because it’s treatable. People just make it more dramatic than it is.”
Tell that to the softball-sized alien they cut from my thigh. Tell it to the parents of the five-year-old down the hall who has relapsed twice. Tell that to the nurses who cry behind closed doors. Do your research. According to St. Baldrick’s, one in five cancer kids will die.
There is still a raging battle to be fought against this sneaky disease. You may not be able to find the right words to say, you may not want to say anything, but I urge you to get involved. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Volunteer your time with local organizations like Make-A-Wish, the Ronald McDonald House, or UWF’s Relay for Life. Donate to organizations like Cancer for College, the National Collegiate Cancer Foundation, or St. Baldrick’s. There are so many incredible ways to help us cancer kids before, during, and after our battles. Fly that golden ribbon!