If you’ve read my earlier article, “Never Say These 10 Things to a Cancer Patient,” then you were probably left wondering, “Well, that didn’t really help me with what I should say…” Again, your friendly neighborhood cancer kid is here to help. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here ‘til 2018.
1. “I’m here for you.”
Now listen to me because this is very important. Words are meaningless next to actions. Do not say this unless you plan to be there. If you’re nervous in hospitals or unwilling to sacrifice several hours of your time to help us cry it out, don’t say that you are.
2. “I’m afraid that I might say something wrong. Tell me how I can be a good friend to you.”
Just ‘fess up! If you don’t know what to say, ask us. Chances are we also don’t know what to say. Sickness and death are naturally uncomfortable to talk about. But if you’re prepared to work with us, we’ll work with you. We probably just want to feel normal and eat food that isn’t from the hospital.
3. “I want to help you because I care about you; what can I do?”
I used to think, “You can’t do anything for me. Can you grow my hair back? Can you take my cancer away? Can you give me faith in God or the universe?” and that’s the sad reality of traumatic experiences. We feel so alone. But your interest, your eagerness to care, can change that. Even if you give us a glimmer of hope, we’ve felt it.
4. “I admire your courage when you…”
When you don’t cry over needle pricks, when you speak publicly about your experiences, when you talk to a counselor… It’s easy to finish this sentence. Try to avoid things like “when you don’t wear a wig” because it implies that we need to be brave to go bald. It would be weird if I said, “I admire your courage when you walk outside without covering your nose,” right? Right.
5. Just say normal, friendly things.
Nothing is normal, and everything will change. But, a cancer patient is still the same person beneath all those medical terms. We can’t be exposed to germs, so don’t ask us to go bowling. Instead, please suggest a movie to watch at home. Please keep us updated on the latest gossip. Please come over for a spa night or to play video games. Please don’t be offended if we decline. It may have been a particularly exhausting day or we might just need a little alone time. But please, please, please do not give up on us.
6. Stop talking.
Just… shh… Silence between friends can be beautiful. Just be there. Be together. Spend time on a porch swing or take a quiet drive. Sometimes love doesn’t need words. You can just feel it.
Once more, I encourage you to get involved in the fight against childhood cancer. September is the perfect time because it’s Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Kids are tough, but we can’t fight on our own.