Love is really a very fickle but funny thing. You tell yourself you’re never going to find it or won’t find it for a while. But when it hits you out of nowhere, you’re left kind of vulnerable. That’s how I felt as soon as I moved to Washington. Once I found it, I honestly thought it was just going to be a thing and wouldn’t last long. But it’s been a year, and it’s been a love that for a while wasn’t so difficult until about two months ago. I say about two months ago because unfortunately, I moved. I’m not in Washington anymore. He is.
We knew it was going to be like this for a while, and when you discuss possibly going into a long distance relationship, you can’t force people to change and adapt just for you. But if they’re willing to be faithful and endure for you, maybe a chance is worth taking. Here’s just a few things to consider when going into a Long Distance Relationship.
Understand that it will be hard.
It’s not easy not knowing when the next time you’re going to see your partner is. It sucks knowing that it might be weeks, months, or even years before I can even hug him again. I can’t even imagine how military families go through things like this. My only hope is that people that are in LDR’s, military or not, can endure the separation and hopefully make the most of it. As long as both of you are aware of the potential emotional toll that it will take and you both have a mutual understanding of it, that will help in the long run.
Already start making plans for the next time you see each other
One of the best ways that I’ve learned to cry less because I’m sad would be focusing more on the plans that the two of us are making for the next time we meet. The worst feeling in an LDR is feeling like the time gap in between now and the next time you see them will be like a lifetime. The anxiety and frustration of separation can be eased if you both start planning an amazing few days or even weeks with each other. Rather than focusing on the months without each other, focus on the most amazing, fantastic, mind blowing five days or more you both could be having. It’ll act as a really good distraction and fun little thing you both can work on when you’re talking with each other
Go on “dates”
Even though you might be miles and miles away from your partner, there are still things you can do together even if they’re not in person. The easiest thing would be watching the same movie together. Netflix and Skype are going to be your best friends. Take turns with the movie picking. Just try not to frustrate too much over how in sync your computers are on the timing. If not a movie date, maybe go to a cafe, restaurant, or any location that you choose while video chatting, so it’s like you’re on a date eating ramen or having coffee together. Try not to feel so uncomfortable about the idea. I’d say anything is worth a try if it means having more time with your partner.
Time to get Organized
The one thing that I fear the most for LDR’s in general is when a couple gets separated because their outside lives make them grow apart. Before going into an LDR, you both should already establish that since you’re both apart, you still need to lead your own lives. Definitely don’t forget that you’re still in a relationship, but try not to push them out so much because of work, school, or extra stuff that you might be doing. Try to keep them in your life as much as possible and fill them in when you can. Make time out of your day, big or small, to make a phone call or send a few text messages. If things get to crazy for a day just let them know. Try not to freak out too much if your partner has just a long day or two this week and just needs to wind down. Respect that they have a life outside of you and are trying to get accustomed to that. They still want time with you, but it’d be better to do it when they’re in a better mood and not stressing over other things.
Give and Take
Since an LDR is a relationship (duh) the two of you need to make some compromises. Some compromises that my boyfriend and I have made are if we make plans to see each other, we each pay for one ticket. I’d pay for his ticket to come to me and he’d pay for his ticket to go home for example. Yes, some tickets are more expensive than others, but budget it out and maybe just take turns paying for the more expensive ticket. Definitely use orbitz.com as a tool for cheap flights. Also, when it comes to making time, you both have to find time out of your day to make contact even just for a little while. It wouldn’t make sense to wait for one person just to call. Relationships are made up of two people, so both of you need to make the effort. If I manage to make enough time out of my day to spend an hour on the phone, maybe the next day he can work around his schedule for an hour or even more. It really just depends on your schedule and who you are. Bottom line: you both have to work hard if you want it to work, so if you wanna show that you care, step it up.
As this is my first long term relationship and want to make it last as long as possible, I want to work hard to show my boyfriend that despite how busy I get, I still care and want this relationship to grow stronger everyday. Even though we’re apart and can’t experience everything together, once I see him again we can both share things that we’ve kind of learned about ourselves along the way. We still have to grow as individuals, but I would want to show my boyfriend that despite me and him having to live and work apart, we can still be part of each other’s lives. And if you’re in an LDR, I hope you and your partner can, too. Sorry this was a long one, but I hope it was helpful. Stay tuned for more on Her Campus! Oh! And happy start to the school year!