Realizations That Are Scarier Than Any Halloween Story

The world is a scary place. Even though you're a grownup that buys groceries, changes their tires, and votes in elections, that only makes you more vulnerable. These are your monsters lurking in the night. 

  1. 1. Your Slang is Becoming Nonsensical

    Language is constantly evolving, at a rate faster than you can imagine. Using words like "lit", "legit" and "yeet" have started to find their cultural relevancy in much the same way as old slang such as "ankle bitter," "greaser," and "tubular". Have fun relying on Urban Dictionary for the rest of your life! 

  2. 2. You're Not As Funny As You Think You Are

    You share memes and Wendy's tweets all day, what's so hard about making this a full time gig? A sudden burst of confidence can make you believe that you can do stand up comedy. Follow through at your own risk. 

  3. 3. Your Favorite Celebrity is Problematic

    The last few years have taught us that celebrity worship has some pretty hefty drawbacks. Even after you've heard every detail of the scandal, what's stopping you from watching their movies, listening to their music, and reminiscing about their popular days? Each time you enjoy their work, you take the risk of someone calling you out, and can you really handle that in stride?

  4. 4. Alcohol Won't Solve Your Problems

    Thirsty Thursday, right? Your problems may be full, but drinks are half price and you can push them down for like twelve hours. Try to enjoy the night and forget that you're stealing tomorrow's happiness. 

  5. 5. We're Heading Into A Recession

    You may vaguely remember the world of 2008, but now you will definitely get to experience your own national recession. Finally, something to bring Millennials and Gen Z together!

  6. 6. You Have No Idea How Finance Works

    You know how to withdraw money from your savings account, but not how to move your money into low risk CDs, Mutual Funds, or Bonds. You have a vague idea of what your credit score is, and when you'll have to start paying student loans, but you're banking on winning the lottery before having to make your next set of grown up money decisions.

  7. 7. Your Heroes Would Be Disappointed In You

    You spent countless hours as a child devouring any book you could find on the amazing people of the past. Growing up, you tried to mold yourself into someone they could be proud of; someone they could respect. As an adult, you'll have to accept that they wouldn't want anything to do with a lot of your life decisions. 

  8. 8. Your Major Was A Bad Decision

    A few years ago, your chosen program of study was shiny and new. You were so excited for all the wonderful opportunities ahead. Cut to today and you're finally approaching graduation. Approaching graduation with the gnawing desperation of knowing how much you'd like to study anything else. Maybe you should have chosen something more practical, or with more career potential, maybe something that makes you want to get up in the morning. This is just one of the reasons you're being left on read by your heroes. 

  9. 9. You Have No Plan

    Buying or leasing? Renting or building equity? Start a job, take a gap year, or go to grad school? What city are you going to end up in? What is your networking strategy? How often are you updating your LinkedIn? Are you just going to end up in your parent's basement? Only time will tell, because you truly have no idea what's going on. 

  10. 10. Bees Are Dying

    We obviously didn't learn what we were supposed to with The Bee Movie. Even though they're the #1 pollinators, and arguably one of the most important of Earth's species; they can't seem to catch a break. When the bees are gone, they're taking us with them. 

Spooky season might be over, but you'll never be able to get away from life's scary realities!