When TikToker @jayrscottyy said, “I ain’t never seen two pretty best friends. One of them gotta be ugly”, it took over the app. The saying was in the comments of completely random and unrelated tiktoks. It was in video descriptions as a joke, and it’s hashtag was used by other creators to get more views on their videos. It was everywhere. I actually didn’t see the original video first, but I saw it in random comments and was like “What the heck is this?”
But the now infamous quote made me think, Dang, is there such a thing as two pretty best friends?
And I don’t say that relating to actual physical appearance. I mean that as in: How many female best friends really consider each other equal?
I haven’t even been around that long, I’m only 21, but I could honestly say I’ve had close to hundred female friends over the years and tens of female “best friends”. Throughout all of them, one thing is present. Jealousy.
No matter how subtle it is, it’s there. One has the nicer Barbie doll. One has a boyfriend, and the other doesn’t. One gets better grades. One likes their job/work environment, and the other hates it. One has better clothes. No matter who you are or who your best friend is, one friend will always have the advantage somewhere. At some point, sometimes, things turn into a competition. People naturally compare themselves to others, and that’s really easy to do with someone you’ve known for years or are very close to.
Even at the start of adult friendships, when you first meet, you’re usually complimenting the other like “Oh you’re so pretty, I like your dress, etc.” Sometimes you’re even directly saying, “Oh you’re so much more prettier than me.”
Those feelings don’t come out of nowhere. Usually, they’re based in some sort of truth. Paired with other feelings of comparison or competition, they can really magnify. There might not actually be only one pretty best friend for real… but there might be in the eyes of one of the friends themselves.
It could go the other way too. Instead of someone thinking they’re the ugly counterpart, they could think they’re better than the other… that they’re the pretty best friend… or the one with the better love life or job or grades or style.
People say women need to stick together and support each other. I agree, but I also think it’s easier said than done. There’s a lot of human nature at work here. It’s really hard to make friendships work or last. Plus, I hate to say it, but just because someone is a woman doesn’t mean they can’t be toxic too. They could even advocate against toxicity, and still be toxic. It really actually is hard to find a good best friend.
I do think it’s possible to not let the jealousy work against both of y’all. I think healthy best friends make each other better and challenge each other. I also think that it is possible to find a good, trustworthy best friend. They’re out there. I can name three best friends of mine that do match that description.
That being said, sometimes there isn’t two pretty best friends because y’all are making it that way.
*Just a suggestion: a book series that explores the complexities of female friendship heavily and very well, is the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante.