As news of the George Hugely trial swirls around us, a very important issue concerning young women resurfaces and reminds us to reevaluate our relationships and friendships. That issue is dating violence, a problem among couples that is probably more prominent than you realize. Loveisrespect.org, a website run by the organizations Break the Cycle and National Dating Abuse Hotline, defines dating abuse as a situation where one partner exerts control and power over another. This abuse may manifest itself in multiple forms, including emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse, such as being threatened or humiliated by your partner, can be just as painful as physical abuse.
Some warning signs of abuse (besides actual physical violence) your partner may show include:
1. Checking your cell phone/email without permission
2. Constant put downs
3. Extreme jealousy
4. Possessiveness
5. Isolating you from friends or family
Steps to Take If In an Abusive Relationship
If you believe you are in an abusive dating relationship, there are several steps to take and resources to help you. Talking to someone helps, and there are many help lines available for concerned women. Friends, parents, and trusted school officials can also be part of your support system and help you decide the best way to fix your situation. Typically, we would assume the most sensible course of action would be to break up with your partner, but this can put you at risk for more violence. To leave an abusive relationship, you need to first come up with a safety plan (for instance, it is better to break up in a public place where your partner will not be able to act violently). Some situations are so bad that they require legal help. Learning Virginia’s and UVa’s policies on restraining orders can be very helpful (see resources below).
Not in an abusive relationship yourself, but have a friend who is?
First, reach out to your friend, but realize that she may be in denial about her situation. Do not speak in an accusatory tone, and be careful about how you talk about her partner, since she probably still loves/likes him. If your friend is responsive, help her research her options and create a safety plan. If she manages to leave the relationship, continue to be supportive and listen to her problems.
Resources
Listed are several good websites concerning dating abuse and helpful UVA services: http://blog.loveisrespect.org/ http://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-101
Both of these are great resources with articles and information, plus links to other resources http://www.virginia.edu/sexualviolence/communityresources.html This website lists all the UVa and Charlottesville resources for getting help http://womenscenter.virginia.edu/sdvs.php Special division of the Women’s Center specifically for domestic violence support. http://sexualassault.virginia.edu/dv_protectiveorders.html Provides information on how to get a restraining or protective order
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UVA chapter.