Hate is a strong word but frequently used in the world of college dorm roommates. Regardless if your roommate is tap dancing on your last nerve or you want to resolve a few simple issues, here’s a master guide in navigating roommate conflict while residing in dorms.
Where to Start
The first step to navigating any conflict is identifying and addressing the problem. However, it’s ideal to address issues individually as they occur to avoid any built-up animosity or hostility. If you find yourself mentally cursing out your roommate whenever you see them in the room and just loathe the sight of them, you’ve already waited too long to address whatever that’s going on. If that’s the case, stay calm, you’ve got this.
Initiate Dialogue
After identifying the source of discomfort stemming from your roommate’s actions, ask yourself how you can communicate what’s bothering you and how you plan on approaching them. This communication can take place in the form of a message if you have trouble with confrontation or a conversation. If you have difficulty initiating the conversation, reach out to your RA for helpful tips. Whatever the preferred method, make sure to approach them and the issue respectfully and tactfully. The goal is to have a productive dialogue that provides a space for you both to address your grievances and discuss potential resolutions. Of course, the results can vary, given the nature of the issue and source of conflict. However, the conversation should end with a game plan. Set boundaries, and be clear and honest with them about your needs. This is the time to tell your roomie how you really feel about their nocturnal schedule, having to take care of drunk them from a night out, or general housekeeping practices.
Be Mindful
University often poses as the first time in people’s lives when they are living communally and are responsible for taking care of household chores solely themselves and academics. It’s a learning experience that hits some harder than others. Conflicts may have arisen because of the cultural and social differences at play. While some issues may arise as cultural misunderstandings, please remember that no one is obliged to tolerate cultural insensitivity, racism, homophobia, or any other mistreatment. If you and your roommate fail to reach a consensus, seek mediation from your RA if needed.
Take Care of Yourself
Remember to keep your cool. Use your words and always remain calm. Remove yourself from the space if things get heated. Protect your peace. You do not want to be viewed as the aggressor. Yes, I get it; you may have the urge to lay hands on them, but ignore it. We need domestic harmony and resolution – not a case.
Getting Others Involved
Keep the conflict between you and your roommate or roommates. Please refrain from discussing issues with hallmates as it can contribute to a hostile living environment for all parties involved. Yes, I know it’s tempting to tell the whole hall how your roommate leaves rancid food and crusty, dirty underwear all over the room, but don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Passive aggressiveness isn’t cute. Only discuss the issue directly with trusted sources like your RA/Housing Administrator, parents, friends, and loved ones outside of your housing situation. Having someone to talk to can help as navigating roommate issues can cause stress or anger.
If the issue or conflict persists to a point where you feel uncomfortable or no longer safe after trying to address the issue, don’t hesitate to contact your RA and potentially escalate your complaint if you’re living in a university dorm. Believe it or not, Your RA cares about your housing situation (or at least should); they’re literally paid to ensure you have assistance with navigating roommate conflict and, above all, care about your wellbeing. Talk to them! RA’s are also the first tier in the University Housing and Residence Life chain of command. RA’s hold the responsibility of presiding over and initiating roommate mediation meetings, filling reports, and escalating cases. Make sure to document any potential issues or evidence needed that will assist you or them in receiving an alternative housing situation if you no longer wish to share space with your roommate. Remember: Your home is a sanctuary. You’re not paying thousands of dollars for housing to endure a situation that compromises your dignity, safety, or health.
Breathe
It’s sometimes rough out here with roommate problems, but you’re not alone. Please do what you need for yourself and take it all as a learning experience. You’ve got this 100%.