For most people, coming to college feels like being set free. Finally, they can stay out as late as they want, eat whatever they want, and hangout with whomever they want whenever they want. They’re perfectly content with making decisions on their own, taking their independence with both fists and celebrating who they are and what they will become. But for a few people, it’s much harder.
For kids who have grown up under their parents’ strict rule, going to college can seem a little bit daunting. Suddenly, they are presented with so many choices they can make, and for once, they are in complete control. It’s overwhelming to have access to so many different options, without parents to make that decision for you. And some parents know this. They will try to control their child by telling them what activities they can participate in, what clubs they can join, and who they can be friends with. For someone who’s grown up with this all their life, this behavior may seem normal.
But it’s not. And it’s important to set boundaries so you have control over your own life. So what can be done?
TIPS TO SET BOUNDARIES
Take time to figure out what you truly enjoy. Explore the clubs and sports and college, and find out what clicks. It doesn’t matter if it takes a week, month, or even semester – find out what you are genuinely passionate about and what brings you personal joy.
Be honest with yourself. Don’t convince yourself that you don’t want to sign up for something or hang out with a person or take a class because that’s what your parents want you to do. You need to look inside yourself – seriously, a soul-searching moment – and figure out if you are holding yourself back by conforming to your parents’ beliefs and who they want you to be. Don’t try to change yourself to fit the mold of the perfect child you think your parents want. Be authentic.
Tell your parents how you feel. This can be very, very daunting. You may feel like a bad child for being disobedient and ungrateful; you are not. Setting boundaries by telling the blunt truth can feel very scary, but if you do not do that, you will grow up resenting your parents for all they did to limit you. So tell them now. They may not understand right away, but if you keep an honest line of communication, one day they eventually will.
For kids who have grown up under their parent’s thumb, it can be hard establishing independence. You may feel ungrateful and disobedient, no longer like the perfect child you always sought to be. But it’s important to realize that, if you allow people to always walk over you, you will never live the life that you truly want to live.