The GUYd: Insight into the Male Psyche
Many of you probably saw the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” and left with the impression that boys are incredibly simple creatures, capable of thinking only “I’m into her” or “I’m not into her.” Sure, in some cases they can be (wouldn’t that be nice?), but in some cases they can debate and over-analyze just as much as we do.
I decided to explore this further, polling not just boys but also girls, and in doing so discovered a few points where confusion could complicate something good.
A girl friends you on Facebook – what is your immediate thought?
GUYS:
10.5% Cool. Now I can stalk her pictures.
15.8% She wants to stalk me. I bet she’s interested.
26.3% She probably saw me in a picture or something and thought we should be friends. No big
deal.
47.4%Nothing, really. People friend people on Facebook every day.
One boy parodied the thoughts that run through our heads before we click that “Add as Friend” button: “Joke’s on you, we probably met, and I held out on friending you on Facebook, so I’m cooler than you and in a socially dominant position.” I note this because, as someone who has watched friends debate whether or not to friend a boy on Facebook, I found this a hilarious social commentary.
But in all seriousness, I offer two things to keep in mind for the future: 1. In reality, guys don’t think much of it, and 2. When we all have 1000+ friends on Facebook, one more friend request just isn’t that big of a deal. A Facebook friend request is so common – it’s practically a handshake.
You’re going on a date. What’s going through your head?
GUYS:
20.0% A date is just a date. I want to get to know her better.
42.5%I don’t know if I want a relationship necessarily, but this girl intrigues me, so I want to
learn more.
15.0% I’m looking for a relationship and want to see if she is too.
22.5% I’ve liked this girl for a long time and think this could turn into a relationship.
GIRLS:
45.5%Cool. I love dates. This will be fun!
9.1% Oh geez. Is he looking for a relationship? I hope this is just for fun…
45.5%Eeeeeh!!! He must really like me!
Bottom line: There’s a 62.5% chance that this date is not necessarily relationship-bound, so there’s no need to be nervous. Just have a good time, and be flattered that this guy found you interesting enough to want some one-on-one time with you!
You go on a date, and it seems to have gone well. What happens next?
GUYS:
40.0%She should send me a thank-you text later, so I know she is interested.
35.0% She should call me or text me and suggest another date.
25.0% She should wait for my next move. The guy should be the initiator.
GIRLS:
42.6% I send him a thank-you text later, so he knows I’m interested.
8.5% I call or text him and suggest another date.
48.9%I wait for his next move. The guy should be the initiator.
This is where something good can fizzle. While 75% of guys indicated that they would appreciate some sort of encouragement, almost 50% of girls said that they would just wait for his next move. One guy said: “The guy should make the first move, but the thank you text is a nice thing.” If you really had a good time, let him know somehow. The worst that can happen is that you don’t go out again.
At the end of the date, you kiss goodnight. What does it mean to you?
GUYS:
12.8% I don’t know. It just seemed right at the time.
20.5% I had a really great time and want to get to know her more.
61.5%I’ve probably wanted to do that for a long time.
5.1% I was hoping she’d ask me inside after.
GIRLS:
6.4% I don’t know. It just seemed right at the moment.
53.2%I guess it means we both had a good time?
36.2% Yay! He likes me!
4.3% Oh my gosh. Are we dating? Is he going to call me again? Are we going to fall in love and
get married and have babies?
I have no particular advice about this one. But I will say… GOOD FOR YOU, GIRL! Obviously something went well.
You go on one date, but nothing ever happens again. What happened?
GUYS:
23.5% I’m just not that into her.
67.6%I was into her, but I didn’t think she was into me.
8.8% I like going on dates, but I figured that taking her on another one would make her think I
want a relationship.
GIRLS:
59.6%I guess he’s just not that into me.
6.4% Did I not show enough interest?
25.5% I thought we had a good time. What went wrong?
8.5% Well, I made it pretty apparent that I didn’t like him, so this makes sense.
This is where the movie ruined our self-esteem. Almost 60% of girls assume that he’s not into us, while over 60% of guys (Some qualified:“It’s either ‘I’m just not that into her’ or ‘I was into her, but I didn’t think she was into me.’”) never followed up, because they thought we weren’t into them. This is where I bring up the “thank you text” again. That simple “Thanks! I had a great time!” at least helps to ensure that you did what you could to make sure he wasn’t confused.
You really like this girl, but you have a crazy schedule this week. Do you still try to see or contact her?
GUYS:
7.3% No, she can wait a week.
53.7%If I really, really like her, a busy schedule wouldn’t keep me from contacting her
somehow.
39.0% I let her know in advance that I’m going to have a crazy week, and I contact her the next
week.
One boys said: “Calm down, ladies. Just because we don’t contact you doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about you.”
Final take-away: To quote the guy above, “Calm down, ladies.” Dates may not all be bound for the long-term, but they are all bound to make you feel good. Enjoy the attention, and have fun!