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How our second date set the tone of our relationship

I’ve been dating my boyfriend since September. We were talking before that. We’ve had problems like any other couple, but we have been very honest with each other. We talk about everything from our secrets to our hopes and dreams. We both want a family and we know all about our ambitions. We didn’t start talking about this recently, though. We started these talks on our second date.


Our second date was at a local coffee shop. Even though we’d spoken on the phone a couple times, I wanted to talk about deal-breakers. I learned the things that he couldn’t tolerate in a relationship, and I shared my fears. We talked about where, if our relationship got more serious, we could see it going. We agreed that we wanted something serious.


Having kids is very important to me, so I told him that. I know that I want a family and at least one cat. He told me about how he used to dream of his family since he was a little kid. Being a stay-at-home dad isn’t out the question, he told me. We talked about the role of gender roles in the family setting, and that turned into a talk about politics.


Our second date was my favorite one yet. I learned so much about the man that I love in just a few hours. We had vital uninterrupted time to talk, and we set an important trend for us: communication.


He and I don’t agree on everything. We do know how to talk about the important life factors, though. Talking about politics, religion and the future doesn’t scare us anymore. It’s just another topic of discussion. I share what I want my daughter’s name to be, and I listen to what kinds of dogs he wants. I tell him about how excited I am to decorate my own place, and he tells me about where he wants to live.


We don’t take a second for granted. We work on our relationship all the time. Our talks about the future have become less personal and more about us. We talk about how we hope to live together one day. Our honesty opened the door for us to talk about our relationship progressing over time.


Other couples don’t talk about these things so quickly. I know that. I also know that I am more comfortable knowing what the future might hold. I know that my boyfriend is the same way. Neither of us are comfortable leaving anything to chance. Feeling safe and comfortable together is all that matters to both of us.


I know that other people might think we are rushing into these conversations, but that’s all they are – conversations. Our conversations give me so much hope for the future of our relationship, and that gives me hope for us.

I am a sophomore broadcast communications major and theatre minor at the University of Tennessee at Martin. When I’m not in class or participating in events on campus, I spend my time reading, doing yoga, working out, or petting my cats.
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