Ellen Stumbo is a mother to a child with disabilities, whose article, “Confessions of a Special Needs Parent: The Hard Things,” honestly discusses the many aspects that make it hard to parent children with disabilities. She includes feeling separated from others, and friends, due to being focused on meeting the child’s needs instead of socializing. Stumbo also expresses the constant questioning of if the actions being taken to help one’s child are truly enough, and then feeling they are failing at other aspects of their lives such as in the workplace, home-care, and in relationships.
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She then discusses the struggle of balancing the time, and care being given to the siblings of a child with disabilities. I feel that not only may parents struggle with giving equal treatment, but there is also a constant worry that siblings will feel they are unimportant and the last priority. Children want to feel that they are being acknowledged by their parents, and when their sibling is getting more of their parents’ time, care, and attention throughout the day, they may begin to feel jealousy toward their sibling, and anger towards their parent(s). The difficulty of trying not to make comparisons to the child’s typical peers is another aspect developed by Stumbo. She expresses that parents may try not to do so, but it often fails and results in a realization of the many differences between their child with disabilities, and children who are not disabled. The frustration that comes with a lack of communication between parents and their child, being judged and evaluated by others, constant battles with the health, education and insurance systems, and feeling overly unsure and concerned with the future of their child, and how they will cope without their parent’s care are additional topics Stumbo lists.
Being judged by others includes people commenting on their parenting, such as saying that the behaviors of the child are due to poor parenting skills. There is no excuse for this negative criticism. It is too bad we do not have the ability to walk a mile in each other’s shoes, because if this were the case, many people would hopefully open their minds, and learn to think before they speak on someone else’s life. It is impossible to know how it truly feels to be someone else other than yourself, therefore, speaking on someone else’s parenting in a negative way is wrong, and of no use. After all, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,”, (Bambi).
Citations
https://www.ellenstumbo.com/confessions-of-a-special-needs-parent-the-hard-things/