I was 17 years old when I started a relationship with a toxic individual, but I was too blinded by love to realize that at the time. I thought this man was my world and was going to be for the rest of my life. I was so consumed by him and the thought of the plans we made for the future that I did not realize that this man was affecting me for the worst.
When we begin new relationships with individuals, it could be the best feeling in the world that we choose not to see the poison that is really going on, and that’s how it was for me. The man that I made my partner pinned me against my friends, made me feel bad about myself and my weight, was talking to other females behind my back. I cried more then I smiled when we were together. But the worst thing he could have done to me was choosing when he wanted to come in an out of my life when we broke up. It was not fair to me in any way shape or form.
He could not make up his mind about whether he wanted to be together or not and left me confused and feeling unwanted. He played mind games with me everyday and I didn’t even realize.
It took me three years later at age 19 and a conversation that my friends had about me till I realized what this man had done to me. I sat down and had a conversation with my best friend about ex’s and she brought up the conversation she had about me. She said I was more carefree before I was with him and now I can’t get to know a guy without being confused and thinking the worst. It dawned on me that she was right. I was no longer the same person I used to be and now filled with doubt and trust issues, thanks to this man.
In some ways it was the worst and best thing that could have ever happened to me. It was the worst because my heart shattered even before we broke up and I now have trust issues. But it was the best because now I know what a toxic relationship is and that is not the way I should be treated. I cannot wait for my future boyfriend to come along so I can sit him down and explain what happened to me in depth so we can work on these issues together and I can see how a man is truly supposed to treat a woman.