Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo
The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UTD chapter.

Opening Tiktok, I see dozens of videos of men and women trying to convince millions of
impressionable girls, boys, teens, and adults all over the world that there is a spiritual aspect to
heteronormative social constructs. The palatable way they explain this push for traditionalism
and heterosexual monogamy is through the concept of “masculine” and “feminine” energies.
Essentially, when a young, dainty, beautiful (in Eurocentric terms) woman meets a big, strong–
and usually wealthy–man, their “energies” just connect in feminine-masculine ‘Yin and Yang’-
esque ways. She becomes soft, motherly, quiet, and docile to him while he becomes a provider,
protector, and leader. There are many problems with the idea of feminine and masculine energies
being circulated on the internet, but I will focus on three: being inherently homophobic and
sexist as a concept, repackaging white purity culture to be easier to swallow for the masses, and
generally being a bad concept to teach to impressionable teens and young adults who want to be

“Feminine energy” coming as a response to “masculine energy” in romantic relationships
puts romance as a concept into a heteronormative viewpoint. It creates boxes for people to fill as
their assigned-at-birth gender roles, as women are supposed to be meek and caring while they
have their divine “feminine energy” and men are supposed to be stoic providers in their
“masculine energy”. This begs the question: what do queer men and women and nonbinary
individuals do to have what is essentially packaged as a soulmate connection? Which woman is
supposed to be “masculine” in a sapphic relationship and which man is supposed to be
“feminine” in a gay relationship? Where do nonbinary people fit into this? The obvious answer
to these questions is that they are not supposed to fit, that essentially queer people and straight
couples who don’t follow traditional gender norms are irregular and shouldn’t be considered in
these made-up conversations about energies and soulmates.

This leads directly to my second point, how “feminine energy” is just repackaged purity
culture. Not only is the inherent exclusion of queer individuals and women who are just more
masculine in expression easy proof of this, it is also seen in the fact of how spirituality is pushed
into these conversations of “energies”. The idea of energies, feminine or masculine, is entirely
made up, and most of their followers directly tie it to spirituality, as in either discussing it
concerning being more “Biblical” or being a better Christian or as just alluding to these
“energies” being real and important; those ideals claim that it is a woman’s nature to stay home
and be subservient to a man. This is a human concept that was made to promote a white
traditionalist agenda in romance and in family life. There is no backing to any of it, and there are
other cultures that have traditions that are matriarchal: are they less legitimate because they don’t
follow our Western standards?

Lastly, this is just a bad concept to be teaching to impressionable young people. Why
should grown, lying adults be talking to an audience of 15 and 16 year olds about love,
especially in a way that promotes unhealthy standards of self concept and expectations on love.
Not every man or woman will be your “soulmate”, and they certainly will not unlock some sort
of deep instinctual response of western traditional gender roles. Sometimes it’s okay to just be
young and stupid, and this message of “feminine” and “masculine” energies should stop being a
trend before a whole new generation of young people has a new love obstacle for themselves.

At the end of the day, everyone should just live their lives and be themselves. You don’t
have to listen to random strangers on the internet telling you how to behave with the opposite
sex, and you certainly don’t have to limit yourself to the opposite sex romantically. You do you,
and your own energy will come out of that.

Hi! I am currently a first-year History major, hoping to go to graduate school in the future to get my PhD. I believe that entertainment and literacy are the most important ways to connect with each other as women and as people.