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I remember the first time I said it, 17-year-old me surrounded by a group of 17 hyper-masculine and misogynistic boys, who encouraged me to call their girlfriends “crazy,” be “one of the guys,” and roll my eyes, as I scoffed and said that “girls are just drama.”
As a vulnerable and naïve high school teenager, I often resorted to the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality. In this man’s world of my conservative town, the “girly-girl” would never be taken seriously. So naturally, I adapted to my environment by taking on an identity that checked off every standard on the grocery-list of masculinity. I invested my time in my studies, pushed all my emotions aside, believed that being in love was a sign of weakness, and cracked a sexual joke whenever given the opportunity. 17 year old me wanted power, respect, and control, and she decided that being “one of the boys” was the best way to achieve just that.
And though I was considered the most outspoken, and the most “feminist” amongst my group of friends, there were still many a time when I denied my femininity for the sake of “fitting in” with a bunch of heteronormative high school boys—and how truly pathetic that was. But I was not alone.
My Facebook newsfeed was plastered with “I only hang out with boys” statuses, and “girls are so dramatic” replies. No one wanted to be the girl who liked the frilly dresses, and the makeup, and the clichéd, lovey-dovey chick flicks. But most importantly, no girl in school wanted to be the one with all the female friends. Everyone seemed to aspire to be the girl who trailed along a group of all-male friends, the one who blended in with the “bros,” but still showed just enough cleavage to prove she, in fact, was not one of the bros. The most popular girl in school was always the woman who perfectly balanced denying her feminine traits, all while dressing like the hot, blonde, feminine bombshell—and what a tricky balancing act it was.
And along with neon colors and too much eyeshadow, girl-hating seemed to be ‘the latest trend in my junior high school. And now, here I am, as an adult, standing in the world of “other womans” and “girls are the worst,” realizing that not much has changed from my 8th grade days. Much like the balancing act I faced in high school, I still face today. I have to look like a woman: big tits, short skirt, and revealing dresses, but I am still advised to work like a man, be respected like a man, and have success like a man.
But why is my success gaged on a scale from 1 to hyper-masculine? Why is femininity, and friend groups composed solely of women, the ultimate curse? And most importantly, why, oh why, do we as women feel so good saying “girls are too much drama?” I know this has been said time and time again, but we as women, especially in today’s political climate, have no room in our lives for hating other women. We absolutely need to stand together, and not let our mygnostic society divide us. So no, girls are not “too much drama,” “or too sensitive,” or “too high-maintenance.” And we are certainly not stupid enough to let the world around us, subject us to negative stereotypes about femininity and womanhood.