Apologizing for an event you are not responsible for is like serving up your dignity on a silver platter with a note that says, “walk all over me.” Nothing is wrong with expressing remorse, and everyone should be obligated to own up to their actions. There is a fine line, however, between recognizing your mistakes and submissively accepting fault.
People resign to fault because it is often easier. Most human beings like to avoid conflict, unless you’re my ninth grade debate coach (shoutout to you Mrs. B!). However, the general public prefers to be docile. Compliancy is easier than controversy. Why waste time explaining yourself in a situation when you could just apologize, take the blame and get it over with? It seems this would be a foolproof way to handle any, if not all, human interaction. The flaw, however, lies within your self respect. Every time you say “I’m sorry,” for something you are not responsible for, one more egotistical narcissist is born.
Let us examine a casual and realistic exchange between two Average Joes, shall we. You are sitting on the train on your way to work and the time has come for you to get off at your stop. Coffee in one hand and your bag in the other, you mumble “excuse me’s” as you’re stepping off the train. Finally, you emerge out of the human cesspool and some dipstick manages to bump you on the shoulder and your triple-venti-soy-no foam-latte spills. Not only has your caffeination spilled on the buffoon, but your Kate Spade bag is ruined. This toolbag (we’ll call him Chad) is now enraged that your latte spilled on him. You exclaim, “I’m so sorry!” and offer him some napkins to wipe off his self-entitled ego. He puffs up and proceeds to tell you that he is a “big deal” and cannot believe you just abused him like that. You continue apologizing, and you feel your dignity chipping away a little.
We are all guilty, maybe not quite to this degree, for apologizing when a stranger bumps into us or causes us a minor inconvenience. In actuality we are not really sorry, it is just a phrase to fill the moment. Most people who take blame when it’s not their fault are ones who aren’t forward enough to stand up to the Chads of the world.
First of all, Chad should be apologizing to you for ruining your coffee, your purse, and making you late to work. Do not give him the chance to degrade or shame you into false apologies. Second, you better demand that this scoundrel order you another triple-venti-soy-no foam-latte. Make it explcitly clear that you accept cash, card, Venmo, or Apple Pay as forms of payment. Third, if Chad starts a scene, argue right back. Do not be afraid to stand up to a bully.
The first step in sticking up for yourself, is realizing that, “I’m sorry” is only okay to use when you truly mess up, such as running over a wildebeast or something equivalent. Apologizing without really meaning it is like saying, “I love you” only because the other person said it first. It’s not genuine, meaningful, or significant. Words are so awesome. Why would you waste them on inconsequential things?
Stop saying “I’m sorry” all the time because you are better than that. One more time for the people in the back, stop it!
Every time you apologize, you are allowing other people to have control over you. You are basically a willing participant in the “I Really Suck” one person show, directed by and starring, you. Maybe the reason you are saying sorry is because you think you are beneath them or that you are inconveniencing this other individual with your presence or actions. View yourself in a better light, and understand that the real people at fault who should be apologizing are the other people making you feel that way.
Reflecting on myself for instance, I used to apologize for working and studying a lot, leaving little or no time for other activities such as mindless reality TV marathons with some gal pals. Riddle me this: why should I be expressing remorse for being financially independent while laboring for a higher education? There is nothing wrong with working towards a better future for myself, and I would rather eat dog food than apologize for that ever again.
One scenario that actually elicited an authentic apology from yours truly was when I ate all of my brother’s leftovers. I take full responsibility for inhaling all of his lasagna. You see the stark difference between accepting fault for literally nothing as opposed to a real situation that needs a genuine apology?
At the end of the day, everyone likes to be a people pleaser. Apologizing for things you shouldn’t be blamed for appeals to others because it validates their significance over you. Don’t be a people pleaser. You are so much better than that. Fight back when others are relentless with you and stand your ground when people argue with you. Never apologize for being a human being with basic emotions and desires.
That’s just silly.