My mom always tells me to go find myself a nice Jewish boy because they will be good to me and take care of me, yadda yadda yadda. In fact, my entire extended family is patiently awaiting the day when I bring one home for Hanukkah.
“Ellie, I sent my friend’s grandson your phone number. He’s such a cutie. And he’s Jewish!”
“Ellie, maybe you’ll meet someone your age at this bar mitzvah!”
So basically, what I’m hearing from everyone is that I should go find myself a Schmidt.
Schmidt is amazing. He checks all the boxes and then some. He goes above and beyond in almost all facets of his life, and I don’t think there’s any doubt in anyone’s mind that Schmidt is the ideal partner. In case you needed some reminding though, here are a few key reasons why everyone needs some Schmidt in their life.
1. He’s funny. This should go without saying. You can always count on him to crack a joke, whether it’s intentional or not. I don’t know about you, but I think humor is an integral part of any relationship, and Schmidt really knocks it out of the park with this one.
2. He’s caring and dedicated. Okay, sometimes a little too caring, but we love a man who’s overly invested. If he puts his mind to something, it will happen. Case in point, Cece.
3. He’s domestic. I hate a messy house as much of the rest of us, possibly more. However, sometimes it gets a little tricky to find the time to tidy up. Not to worry, though – Schmidt will keep everything around him clean all the time for the rest of his life, no problem. Also, he can cook. What more could you ask for?!?
4. He’ll take care of the kids. Daddy-daughter spa day? Done. Need a girls night? Say no more. Dirty diaper? Don’t know her, Schmidt will take care of it.
5. He throws out compliments left and right. Schmidt will always be the first one to compliment someone or to show some affection. We all know how much Schmidt loves Cece. And Nick. And Winston. And Jess. And, how much he loves to compliment them all the damn time, whether he has an ulterior motive or not. He’s a true angel.
6. He’s confident. Need I even elaborate on this one?
So, long story short, Schmidt is better than any other man will ever be and nobody can ever live up to his standards so basically, we should all just go cry because we can’t have him. Just kidding. I think that everyone should get out there and try to find their own Schmidt. There’s one for all of us (I hope).