As someone who has had many crushes in their lifetime — trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I was a self-proclaimed boy-crazy preteen. All I thought about was boys and having a relationship! I thought that there was nothing more important. I crushed on so many boys in my school, and it completely affected my life. I day-dreamed about them during class, and even throughout the entire day. Now, as I am a little bit older and in college, I feel much differently.
I haven’t had a crush since high school. At times, it can be kind of sad like, woah, has it really been that long? And other times I’m happy about it. Most of the time, I am happy. I really don’t mind that I haven’t had a crush because I feel healthier. It’s not that I don’t want a relationship or love, it’s just that I am more patient. I noticed that whenever I did have crushes, I wasn’t fully into that person. I always was settling for people I knew weren’t good for me. For example, my last crush was a Trump supporter which speaks for itself. I knew that these guys weren’t people that I wanted to have a long-term relationship with, so why did I like them? Was it just to have a crush, or to have something to do? Maybe! All I know is that once I started to love myself, I haven’t had a crush.
A lot of things happened to me in college. I started doing things that I was passionate about. In high school, I wasn’t involved in anything so I was depressed, just taking classes I hated. But, when I went to college I found a wide variety of classes and a lot of clubs and groups that I was interested in. This lead to me being so busy, I didn’t even have time for a crush. I also learned that I was worth a lot, and not to settle. If I was to have a crush, I really needed to make sure he was on my level, and not someone I would have to stoop low for. A lot of times, women will settle for men who are toxic and lazy, and they have to dumb themselves down in these relationships in order to not make the man feel bad. That was NOT going to be me.
So why is it freeing to not have a crush? Well, if you are like me, crushes stress you out. It’s all you think about! Do they like me? What are they doing right now? Are they thinking about me? Those are the questions constantly going through your mind. You are also worrying about texting them and making it seem like you aren’t desperate. It’s a lot to have to worry about. Little things can break your heart too, like seeing your crush talking to another girl. Your entire mood depends on them. I would be so stressed as to what to wear to school because I knew I would be seeing my crush. I wouldn’t put that much thought into studying, or homework or anything. It was a 24/7 job to have a crush, and frankly, I do not have the time.
Since I stopped having crushes, I feel that I have a lot more time on my hands. My grades are great and I am joining a bunch of different things that I am passionate about. I am doing things that I want to do, and not just because I know it’ll put me in contact with my crush. I am also way more confident in myself. I know that I don’t have to prove myself to anybody, and if someone wants to like me, it’ll be because of me and not because I am trying to convince them to like me. It’s honestly so amazing! It can get a little boring, or lonely at times, but I think this was really good for me. I understand that having a crush is not the most important thing to life. There is so much more out there that I get to experience. I am showing myself so much more self-love now. My anxiety is down, as well as my stress. My grades are up, I’m more social, and I am happier in general. I don’t have to worry about if someone likes me or not, because I know that I am worthy of love.
So, the next time that you find yourself in a crush and are under extreme duress, ask yourself: is this worth it? Is this healthy for me? If you find that a crush is negatively affecting your life, maybe it is time to take a break from crushes for a while. And most importantly, remember that regardless or not that person likes you back, you are worthy of love. Remember to show yourself that love every day, and love will come to you when it’s the right time.
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