Dating apps have become hard to avoid. Most people I know have a profile on at least one dating app if they are single. And unlike most, I do not believe that I will ever find love on a dating app.
One of my problems with dating apps is the medium itself. It may be convenient, but I’m not willing to sacrifice quality in favor of quantity when it comes to dates. I’d rather spend my time with the people in my life who care about me already, instead of proving myself worthy of meeting in real life. In fact, one-third of people who a dating app have never gone on a date with someone off the app. The odds of actually going on a successful date seems slim to me. Even if you meet someone on a dating app that you seem to click with, communicating emotion over text can be very difficult. I prefer face-to-face communication where communication is more clear.
While using dating apps, it can also be hard to know who you are actually meeting. It is impossible to create an accurate representation of yourself in a few photos and a bio. People are more than just looks and whatever clever pop culture reference they decided to use in their Tinder bio. I refuse to minimize the entirety of myself to fit on a screen, and tie my future to a simple swipe. I know I have faults, and it’s important to me to find someone who likes me regardless of them. I want to date a person— not optimize for an algorithm. Since the beginning stages of communication are through a screen, it can be hard to see others as the complete humans they are. We seem less real to each other without in-person interaction. This contributes to the idea that people are disposable, which I feel is wrong. It is easy to ghost people and eliminate them from your life quickly on dating apps. I only want people in my life that want to be there, and will be longterm, at least as friends.
Lately, I’ve been focusing on being present in everything I do, which has helped me realize that living my life in the real world is very important to me. Dating apps take time away that I could be using in a way that brings me more joy. Going on dates that don’t go well takes me away from opportunities I could use to meet people in the real world. On top of the date, you have to add in the time spent on the app and chatting with people from the app. From my point of view, although when the time is committed to the app is flexible, and can be done in the time between classes, it still takes quite a bit of time to find someone you actually connect with. I would rather be engaged in what I’m doing, and meet people along the way. Plus, if I meet someone doing activities I love then we already have something in common to talk about.
Dating apps promote the idea that being single is less fulfilling than being with someone, which I whole-heartedly disagree with. There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it’s important to figure out what you want out of life, before adding another person’s desires into the equation, to ensure your happiness.
I don’t think I’ll find my next partner on a dating app and that’s okay. I’ve decided my time is best spent on the people I have now and doing the things I love. I’m going to use my time to become a person that I would want to date, and hopefully, the right person for me is out there doing the same.