My Wish: An Open Letter to the Friends I Lost

I got a notification on my phone today

Inviting me to relive a memory from two years ago.

Hopeful, I open it.

A sharp pain grows in my chest.

A picture of us.

 

Beaming, glowing, shining,

A vision of admiration and connection.

A true testament to the countless good times we shared.  

Welling, wishing, wondering,

A vision of loss and bitter-sweetness.

A true testament to the hurt I know we still share.

 

The good times were worth it.

They were wonderful and plentiful.

But the tightness inside my chest was growing,

And the chasm between us was deepening

Even as I smiled into the camera.

 

I had hoped you felt it too.

That it clued you in

To the impending separation.

 

The months leading up had never felt so lonely.

Turning left and right for a kind word or gesture,

A shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold,

A moment of the validation and empathy we had shared.

 

“Best friends” had lost its meaning.

“Best friends” turned gray and cold.

“Best friends” weren’t growing one another anymore.

The “best friends” had to grow apart.

 

But separation was not the goal.

The hope was for growth,

Strength,

Independence,

And closure.

 

For us all.

The result was confusion,

Betrayal,

Insecurity,

And bitterness.

 

For us all.

 

Years of friendship,

Years of adventures,

Years of shared feelings

and accomplishing dreams side by side

Fading.

 

Denying, grieving, aching,

The vision of our future disappearing.

Clinging, hoping, searching,

The shared path dissolving.

 

Unknowing last moments together,

New memories that would stay vivid and joyful.

A day for celebration.

A day for goodbyes and new beginnings.

A day of pride and support.

A day unlike any other.

It was monumental.

Crying, laughing, leaping,

Never realizing we would not be together again.

 

I cannot say regret.

I cherished our time together.

The memories still dance in my head,

Filling my heart.

 

I cannot say reunite.

 

Different paths are healthier,

Filled with a whole new color spectrum.

This palette helps me appreciate the old rainbow

While I paint new memories and landscapes.

I can say

I wish the same things for us all:

Happiness, experience, brilliance.

 

I wish for forgiveness.

I wish for growth.

I wish for adventure and risk.

I wish for beauty and light.

I wish for you.

And I wish for me.

 

Sincerely,

Me

 

Endnote: This is meant to be an open letter to the friendships that end because they need too. It is okay to let go of the people who no longer grow you or make you happy. Wish them best and let them go. 

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