As a woman it is incredibly hard not to feel vindictive towards men. They seem like a perfect scapegoat to blame for all the sexism, prejudice, and insecurities we face, because … well … they are usually the perpetrators. Men hold the power within society, and feminists often get stereotyped as man-haters because they’re not afraid to point out male imperfections. What many of us don’t think about is how toxic masculinity hurts men — just as much as women in some cases.
Men are taught from a young age that showing emotion makes them weak, but “be a man” is one of the most toxic things one can say to a kid. Telling a child to repress their emotions will only lead to overly-sensitive and emotionally cut-off adults. Showing emotion and learning how to manage it is an essential part of growing up, and we are not allowing all children to educate themselves equally.
Further, it continually amazes me the amount of childcare men can do to receive praise from the general public. Change one diaper and it seems that you’re father-of-the-year. However, society is laid out in such a way that men’s distance from parenting is prevalent in every aspect of daily life. Most men’s rooms don’t include a changing room. There are fewer parenting books geared specifically towards dads. There are fewer stay-at-home-dads than stay-at-home-moms. It seems inconceivable that as a society we have decided to estrange children from half of their DNA.
Additionally, the age old adage “boys will be boys” is a lot more harmful than you’d think. Not only does it promote/maintain rape culture, but it teaches boys from a young age that they have less control and intelligence than their female counterparts. By teaching boys that they have no self control, we are hurting their confidence in their own self-regulation. They will fulfill the self-fulfilling prophecy. They will act like what they think stereotypical boys will act like, even if they know it is wrong, because that is what we expect of them.
And society is constantly prompting men to prove themselves. They have to have “manly hobbies” (whatever that means), they must avoid all things feminine, they must be physically large, they must be controlling, and the list goes on and on. What would the world be like if we started loving men for who they are, and not what we made them to be? We are so entrenched in our sexist roles that we can’t be sure what “man” and “woman” really means. Who are we beyond our social constructs? Hopefully, with our help, we and the next generations can find out.