A Guide to the Twenty-Somethings of Utah

Utah is full of quirky characters. Before you visit or move to this underrated state, familiarize yourself with some of the most common folk residing here.

1. The Californian:

You make sure everybody knows that nobody understands the ocean quite like you do. That, and you’re constantly saying “Well, in California…” and critiquing Utah at every turn.

2. The Provo All Star:

You have a Vasa gym pass, you probably work for Vivint, you refer to your guy friends as your “boys” and you love nick-mo. Special points if you are from Alpine or Draper, and mommy and daddy bought you a fancy car.

3. The Bitter Anti-Mormon:

Wow. So intellect. Such smart. Much outside-of-the-box thinking… also kind of arrogant and smug.

4. The Judgmental Mormon:

“I didn’t see you at sacrament meeting yesterday… also, if you’re gay I can help.” Provo All Star also fits into this category.

5. The Photographer:

“I’m a photographer” says your mouth. “I take mediocre pictures with my incredibly nice canon” says your Instagram.

6. The Utah Stater:

Gorsh… you’re just so darn nice. Wanna wash my car for fun, neighbor? This person can do no wrong… If you don’t like em’, you’re probably too bitter for your own good.

7. The Stay at Home Wife:

She has no kids, also no job. What she does have is an Instagram for the dog. Her Instagram bio reads “Wife of my best friend, future mommy of 14, current mommy of Princess the [ugly] Shiatsu. Throw kindness around like confetti.” Often swiped right on the Provo All Star.

8. The Unique One:

Has the entire Rocky Mountain range tattooed on their arm. Also has an unnatural hair color, and is weirdly hygienic.

9. The Organic Guy and the Granola Gal:

The Organic Guy’s outfit says, “I only shop at locally grown farmers markets, and wear hipster glasses because I am a hipster.”

The Granola Gal is spotted next to him with a pair of matching open-toed Patagonia shoes and an Australian shepherd, wearing a fanny pack.

10. The Hyper-Liberal LDS Feminist:

Honestly, good on you. However, my one piece of advice is to maybe channel your anger into something healthier than Twitter fights, and saying “men are trash” all the time.

11. The White Nationalist:

He reeks of arrogance and ignorance and makes outrageously racist, sexist and homophobic remarks. But all in jest, so don't get so easily offended. Hangs out with the Provo All Star… who I seem to be picking on a lot, but if I hear “Dude I got so raped last night while playing COD” one more time, someone is getting a swift kick in the you-know-where.

12. The Actual Adventurer:

That person who is constantly traveling, and taking advantage of what Utah has to offer on a continuous basis. Man, their life is cool. You really want to be friends with this person.

13. The Poser:

Like the person above, but wants so badly to be Insta-Famous. Can be easily spotted because of excessive, narcissistic-smelling online presence.

While these are only a few of the Utahns you'll bump into at Temple Square, these colorful characters are what make Utah truly special (besides our mountains, Mormonism and the occasional polygamist couple, of course). 

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.