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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Utah chapter.

For all the ups, downs, laughs, tears, and wishful thinking, I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as love at first sight… or even after multiples sights. I have realized also that is not something I desire. How would I know who my soulmate was if I only had one point of reference? Until one is content with a partner, we have to experiment to see what we like… but also what we don’t like. This can also reveal objectives for the distant and near future: careers, friendships, possibility of marriage, and aspirations in life. We get hurt then give the hurt and this cycle repeats. This is the beauty of the game we call dating. We pick and choose what we like in hopes to find one person whom possesses those desired qualities and are complimentary to our personalities. Until then, let the applications come rolling in and as Pat Benatar says, “love is a battlefield”. The following are letters to three boys that have impacted my life from the world of dating.

Dear Ben, 

You had the confidence of a lion and the charisma of Will Smith. I was pleasantly surprised when you were as fond of me as I was of you. Your cream colored civic, Carrie, was older than we were and our motivation to live off the grid consumed us. Thank you for making me feel rebellious by sneaking out with me and showing me what it is like to feel daring and explore options I wouldn’t have otherwise. You made me feel alive. I felt like I could do anything I put my mind to, and that I was the only one limiting myself.  You were my first love and you broke my heart. As Taylor Swift says, “when you’re fifteen, somebody tells you they love you you’re gonna believe it”. My spirit was high as a kite; I wanted to run away with you to Idaho to throw caution to the wind- along with the kite. But if you didn’t have the lone spirit you do, I could be in Idaho with you building a cabin for the both of us with nowhere to go. In reality, we would probably be working mediocre jobs to pay for our necessities with major restrictions. So thank you for ripping the Band-Aid off when you did so I could grow up and throw away the potion; that was not the fairytale I thought I wanted. 

Dear Danny, 

A mutual friend of ours said you looked like Heath Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You, one of my favorite movies, so you already carried my heart before I knew you. Your long curly hair and your ability to swoon me with your guitar blinded me. You asked me, “are you team Edward or team Jacob”? I laughed until I realized there was a sincerity lining that question. It was then my infatuation diminished; you love Twilight. Unsure how this would affect our relationship I answered, “I have never watched more than twenty minutes of the first one”. So you dug up the series for us to watch. I went into this movie night with an open mind and was ready to see past the horrific things I had been avoiding. The shimmering vampires and longhaired werewolves were just as appalling as I remembered. Enthusiasm towards the story and characters were unmistakable, and I was speechless. This was the moment I realized you were not Heath Ledger from 10 Things I Hate About You. I’m sorry I broke you heart, but I know there is a Bella for your Edward out there; unfortunately I am not her.

Dear Travis,

You sweet and pleasant ball of sunshine. You parked your car underground and walked to the front door of my work and waited outside of the store instead of picking me up on by the curb. You brought me flowers multiple times and cooked me dinner “just because”. Children adore you and you are incredibly patient. You are a great listener and great with adapting to situations. The problem is, we are both Virgos. We are introverted, passive, and willing to go with the flow. But how are we supposed to follow the flow when there is no flow to start? Meeting was an outcome of random coincidences and our major: communications. We had so many things in common that I thought things were falling into place so beautifully. But they weren’t; we were too similar. It was like I was dating my own personality, this means my strong traits and my weak traits were always present. “I’m better at writing it out” is something we both claimed, so I think we had many of our conversations with a pen and paper instead of face to face. Your deeds of affection were very meaningful, but our communication was something that made it hard to grow as a couple. You think we would have that figured out because we study it, but that isn’t how it played out. I’m sorry I hurt you, but there is only so much connection to be felt between written messages. I hope you find a Taurus or Cancer that deserves you.  

I would not go as far as saying I loved each of these boys, but they have impacted my life in one-way or another. I do not agree that love is a losing game because I believe it is a game of give and take. What you take from someone can help you give to the next person until there is more good to be received and offered. It may not be fair, but intimate relationships help us understand what healthy relationships should consist of. This helps me explore who I am.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEhZAHZQyf4

I am a sophomore at the University of Utah. I enjoy snowy mountains and wearing green shoes.