Breakups: We all, at sometime in our lives, have to undergo this painful process. Our hearts are broken, we listen to an excess of Taylor Swift’s songs, and we drown our sorrows by consuming pints of Ben and Jerry’s. Probably what’s worse than the breakup itself, is the process of “moving on.” Removing your former significant other from your conscious and subconscious life is a long and grueling process; a series of phases we all experience:
1. Sad Phase
Obviously, any breakup with inevitably incur sadness; that’s expected. But just when you think you’ve overcome this phase and shed your last tear, the feeling is triggered again by tiny, every-day things: Not receiving a “Good morning!” text, knowing that when you drive by his house you’re not welcome, and visiting your favorite restaurant – knowing that he would order a sandwich with extra sauce and no tomatoes – all bring on the waterworks. You’re in a phase where you’ll pretend to smile and be happy, but really, you doubt if you ever will again.
2. Angry Phase
Nothing incites anger like the following pieces of “advice”: “you deserve better,” or “you’ll find the perfect person in the future,” or – my personal favorite – “you’ll look back on this and be so grateful it ended when it did.” When you’re recently broken up, any attempted “advice” is ridiculous because 1. No one actually knew what your relationship was like. 2. You just broke up and people need to let you feel the pain. 3. It’s none of their business! You also feel angry at your ex for causing this pain, for what they did – or didn’t do – and this can quite often result in screaming at the top of your lungs, throwing things, or absolutely having no patience for anyone that gets on your nerves.
3. Lonely Phase
Arguably, the most difficult part of moving on from someone is the loneliness. They were your Saturday night date, mid-day confidante, and late night “I love you,” and for now… no one fills their shoes. Yes, you’ve got girlfriends, parents, and siblings, but they can’t replace that void inside of you. You’re life and theirs were so intertwined that everywhere you go, you feel an acute emptiness.
4. Burning-Desire-to-Contact Phase
Whether you broke it off, or your ex-SO did, you feel an intense desire to text, snap, tweet, DM, or call them. It’s not even that you want to get back together, it’s more just curiosity – what are they doing, who are they with, how have they been, is there someone new? Before, you used to know what they were eating for breakfast, what they were thinking at 11:34 am on a Tuesday, and now… you know nothing. To say it’s frustrating would be an understatement.
5. Reminiscing-About-the-Kissing Phase
Admit it – you have had fantasies of you and your ex meeting up and – in a fit of passion – they push you up against a wall for a passionate kiss that would rival any Nicholas Sparks film.You think, miss, and obsess about the kisses, how it felt when they curled their hands around your waist, how the neck kisses gave you chills, etc. Basically, despite your best efforts, you can’t help but have romantic visions of you and your ex.
6. Miss Independent Phase
You’ve broken up, and you feel a sense of liberation and relief! Now you’re a free, independent, gorgeous woman who doesn’t need another person to make her happy! You are a sleek fox who can flirt with any guy at the gym, have Ryan Reynolds as your phone’s wallpaper, and hang out whenever – and with whoever – you want. You have a multitude of possibilities ahead of you, and not just relationship-wise! You have more time for school, family-bonding, friends, and your own personal hobbies.
7. Appreciation Phase
The final phase of moving on: the appreciation phase. You’re grateful for the experiences your relationship gave you, but you know that it ended for the best. You may have felt animosity toward your ex, but now you just feel content. Now you’re grateful for where your at, and excited for what the future holds. You’ll always appreciate your past, but now you’ve officially “moved on,” and are ready to embrace the rest of your life.