The 5 Enemies You'll Make as a Collegiette

1. The Ex-Girlfriend

The mention of her name boils your blood. Seeing her picture angers you beyond control. Knowing that she was once the love interest of your man brings tears to your eyes. Ex-girlfriends. We hate them for all kinds of reasons. They were crazy, they cheated, or worst of all they were, and for some unfair reason are, actually like PERFECT. But here’s the thing: no matter how messy or clean their break-up was – it happened. You’re the girl in his life now. You need to remember that if he wanted to be spending time with her, he would be. You’re incredible and getting upset over an ex-girlfriend is not the type of thing you want to waste your time with.

Next time she pops up on your feed,  keep scrolling. Don’t go stalk her. Don’t become paranoid that she’s moving in on your guy. And definitely don’t compare yourself to her. It’ll be hard – ex-girlfriends can easily distract us, but keep yourself occupied with the present love interest – you.


2. The Power Hungry Diva

She is not your boss – maybe your counterpart, but usually someone who has no actual authority over you. This enemy is the “nicest” enemy you’ll encounter on an insanely passive-aggressive battlefield. The belittling, the pretentious comments, the back-handed compliments, and advice are cutting through any mutual respect you once held for each other. You’re not even sure why she thinks her opinion is important, and she’s not sure why you think you have any authority. And you know she tells anyone who will listen that your leadership is subpar, because let’s be honest for a minute – you’re doing it too. This power-struggle will swallow you both if you don’t keep your own attitude in check.

 Maybe you’re right in claiming that she’s a self-absorbed, self-righteous, ignorant, fill-in-the-blank, but you have to stop giving her that much credit. Concerning yourself over her issues will only drive you mad. You need to admit to yourself that you’re not completely right about her. Even if you think she’s the worst, she’s still a person that deserves your respect. My advice to you is to take a deep breath – like a real deep breath where you honestly control your breathing, and your thoughts. Is she worth the stress? Probably not. There is always a way to find common ground and a way to do it without being downright disgraceful.


3.       The Pseudo-Standards Chair

This is the girl who scares you more than anything. Why is she out to get you? Is it revenge? Jealousy? Masochism? All of the above!? This girl is just out to embarrass you at all costs. Whether it’s a sly comment about your disheveled hair, an “anonymous” meeting with Standards, or a passive aggressive “eye-roll” emoji on your latest Instagram, she lets everyone know you’re not all that you think you are. However she gets at you – you’re not sure if you’re annoyed by or actually hate her.

All you can do about this girl is channel Taylor Swift and “Shake it off". Some people just like to throw rocks at things that shine. And all she’s ever gonna’ be is mean. I can already see my Pseudo-Standards Chair rolling her eyes at my plethora of Taylor Swift references…but I’m too busy dancing to get knocked off my feet.  


4.       The Infamous Friend of a Friend

Ugh. She’s always right there…like you’re annoying little brother – doing whatever she can for attention. But you can’t really do anything about her because your other friends actually like her!  You’re convinced she’s surface level and only hangs out with you and your friends when there’s nothing better to do. She drives you absolutely crazy every time she has an oh-so-funny inside joke with YOUR best friend. To you, she is the Helen to your Annie (Bridesmaids reference). You’ve contemplated complaining about her to your friend but know that would only end badly, so what can you do?

Chill. I’m sorry, but she probably thinks the same about you. For the sake of your friendship, reputation, and sanity – chill. Try to find common ground and perhaps create a new friend – or frenemy. Whatever floats your boat.


5.       That Freakin’ Teacher Who Takes Attendance as Part of Your Grade

Honestly – it’s just rude. But she’s the teacher and you are the tardy student. Set the alarm like an hour earlier – it’s the only solution.