This past winter break I received quite a shocking text from someone I would never expect to text me about a certain matter. The text simply read: “Hey girly, what tips can you give me to be better in bed?” This came from someone who has adamantly made it clear when I complained about my history with men that she would never do anything before marriage. I found the situation humorous given I really didn’t have great advice given the fact that my experience was filled with trauma and the only reason I even did those things was pressure. Hell, I never slept with anyone sober, but I’d tell her what all the Cosmopolitan articles told me.
However, after answering her question, I then received her response to my tips by saying she was only going so far and didn’t need the other stuff. That’s perfectly fine, but I could have avoided texting a giant paragraph, but she might need it later. After a couple more exchanges, suddenly she whips out the question “How do you reconcile the fact that you are Catholic and having sex? Do you have any sort of guilt or sexual shame?”
Now I’m not going to lie, I used to feel horrible about sex, but only because of how others judged me. Her question caught me off guard and hurt my feelings in the way she went from an open conversation to a sensitive topic. I know I’m not alone when it comes to the battle of personal beliefs and sex. From when I was younger and started to masturbate, I was terrified that the angels were watching over me and my passed relatives were watching me. I did my prayers and then I would have my “me party,” but it felt wrong even though it felt so good.
Eventually, I came up with a response that didn’t sound like I was upset, but explained my reasoning. I replied to her that I’ve had a rough relationship with religion in general because of things that have happened in my life. While I am Catholic, I believe religion doesn’t rule over who I am or what I do. Sex isn’t bad and is natural, being a sexual woman is seen as taboo and wrong, but in reality, it’s because we’re more powerful when in charge of ourselves. I used to be scared of angels seeing me or family in heaven seeing me, but then I realized they had sex too and that’s how I eventually came to be. I don’t think God actually cares if I lost my virginity or have had sex, I think that he loves me no matter what.
For me, religion isn’t an all-powerful ruling force, but it seems to control our government and our society. It angers me that this idea of virginity and purity is so enforced by religion. No matter what, if God hasn’t smitted you yet based on your impure thoughts, then it’s probably not going to happen. Do who you want when you want as long as it’s mutually consensual the entire time. Who cares what sky daddy thinks because reality is your now and people shouldn’t judge you on what you chose to do with your body. Also, why do I have to deal with other people’s guilt when it comes to their sexual repression due to religious beliefs when I’m already dealing with my own? Either way, religion and sex is an ongoing conflict, but in the end, you need to choose if you’re comfortable with your body or not.