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The 9 Types of Uber Drivers You’re Bound to get in San Francisco

 

While Muni may be the tried and true transportation of college students and city dwellers, we’re all guilty of taking an uber to avoid longer travel time, SF hills, or a homeless person yelling at you. That being said, the quality of your ride really depends on who you get as your driver. There’s a million different types of uber drivers you might end up with in a city as diverse as San Francisco, but here are 9 that you’ve probably already had.

 

1. The Mute: “Hi!” You announce as you slide in the car. He gives you a small wave/smile and starts driving. He doesn’t say anything the entire ride and instead of announcing you’re at your destination he just waits for you to notice the car stopped moving.

 

2. The no-show: You’ve called him twice already. You’re standing on the corner in your nice clothes. This is almost exactly like that time in 10th grade when Bobby Wright was supposed to pick you up at 7:30 and slowly but surely it just got later and later until you realized he wasn’t coming and you vowed never to talk to him ever again because Stacy was right, he didn’t deserve you anyways! You cancel the ride and get on muni because you’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need no man.

 

3.The overly enthusiastic driver: Sometimes it’s fun to get a really outgoing-lets talk about life-music blaring-karaoking driver. Sometimes you just want him to shut up and let you check HerCampus inbetween social/business events.

 

4.The average Joe: This uber driver is in no way special. In fact, you don’t remember much about them at all except that they had non-distinct brown hair… Or was it blonde?

 

5. The one you really think might murder you: You got a bad vibe the second you matched with this driver. His muscles have muscles and they look ready to crush you. You get in the car and he grunts a hello in your direction through his muscley teeth inside his muscley head attached to his veiny neck connected to his even muscley-er body. He looks like he could snap you in half and sprinkle you on his morning protein shake of whey powder and childrens tears so you didn’t say anything when he passed your house two blocks ago.

 

6. The lost puppy: He may or may not be new, he may or may not be adorably cute, but he’s FOR SURE lost and/or constantly asking you for directions.

 

7. The Therapist: It is 2am and you’re crying in an uber for the 3rd time this month. Nothing makes you feel quite as bad about the security of your art history degree as tequila but tonight, this driver’s life advice will do just fine.

 

8. The undercover super model: You didn’t look at your drivers profile pic when you got matched but now you wish you had. He’s hot with a capital H and his eyes are so bright it kinda hurts to look at them. He asks you about your day and you try to answer smoothly but it comes out like something between “grool” and “shahdfsgbemyboyfriend”.

 

9. The hidden gem: They call you a couple minutes before they arrive to confirm your location. You get in the car, it smells fresh, and they offer you a bottle of water or maybe a snack. The music is to your liking and at the perfect volume. They ask you about your day or if you’re from the city but they ultimately leave the level of conversation up to you. These are the drivers you hope to get but are far and few between. When you get them, appreciate them.

Is the best version of herself while sipping coffee in Alamo Square Park, rereading Mindy Kaling's books.
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