You don’t have to say, “yes.” Yeah, I said it. You don’t have to say yes to your best friend asking you for a ride after class or to your roommate who’s asking for a piece of your dinner. There’s no rule in place making sure you please everyone around you nor should there be.
It’s okay to make people upset, to cause disappointment, because those are real and natural feelings. It’s not beneficial to anyone to always have things go your way — simply because that’s not physically possible. You can’t avoid this very natural and human emotion because it contradicts itself. We’re all independent beings with our own expectations, thoughts, and feelings, so it’s perfectly understandable for those expectations to differ on some parts. Most of the time, it’s not a big deal.
However, due to the often oppressive systems we put in place for ourselves, this entirely normal interaction between friends is considered rude and, god forbid, selfish. And how could you ever forgive a woman for being human, how despicable! Give me a break.
Thankfully, our society has learned that expecting women to do everything for everyone else is not a good thing. Well, for the most part. We hear all the time, “You can say no,” “Just say no,” blah blah blah. As if it’s that easy when you’ve been conditioned from before you were born to deprioritize your own interests in favor of someone else’s because that is where your value — your usefulness — comes from. If you’re not useful to society then you’re a waste of a human. This doesn’t have to be true anymore. And it starts with you.
Because why do I owe anyone my productivity or my time? Is it not my natural right to live, peacefully and free? We are animals after all, don’t forget that.
I was a chronic people pleaser for as long as I can remember. Let’s be frank, I still am. But I’m working on it! I’m working on catching myself when I say “yes,” or “sure,” or “of course” before I even consider what I am agreeing to do. My time is a priority and I owe it to myself to be selfish. I’m only human. I am no God or heavenly principle, I am human just like you and I allowed to not want to do something.
Then you get into the problem of how do I stop wanting to do everything for other people? But that’s a conversation for another time. All I’m trying to get at is that you don’t have to say “yes.” You don’t have to be that one dependable, always there person. You can’t. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by putting all this weight on your shoulders.
It’s not impossible to start over. It’s possible to build again.
You don’t have to say “yes.” Say no.