January 15 was one year since my mom passed away. Losing my mom was one of the hardest things I have been through and currently still going through. It is one of those feelings that is indescribable unless you have experienced it too. This past year has been one the hardest years of my life, but was a year I learned a lot.
Photo courtesy of Mia Borja
I learned that it is okay to not cry. There were days, especially towards the beginning of the year where I would try to be strong because I knew my mom would want my family and me to remain happy and not be sad 24/7.
Most importantly, I learned that it is okay to cry. There is not a single day where I do not feel down missing her. I know it is sad to think about but it is true.
I realize it is the little things in life that matter and remind me most of my mom. It is watching a T.V. show and wishing your mom was there, saying goodnight to your family and wishing you could say that to your mom too, and opening your phone to text messages wishing it was your mom asking you to get her something from the store.
I have been more emotional since my mom passed away. Watching any single movie where the parent dies, and trust me that happens in a lot of movies, makes me cry. Even a lot of cartoons make me cry too, both from happiness and sadness.
Photo courtesy of Pinterest
Photo courtesy of Ella Borja
Over the year, slowly, all the memories that once made me sad were the same ones that made me feel whole again. I remember memories with my mom in laughter and happiness instead of tears and sadness. Writing and talking about her as if she is still here makes me feel peaceful. I try to live my life now as she always wanted me to live.
I remember all the small lessons she taught me, like how to fold a fitted sheet, to not stress over the little things, and that hugs make everything better. I make sure to carry those on in my life.
And to my mom, I love you, I miss you so much and just like Winnie the Pooh said, “You may be gone from my sight…But you are never gone from my heart.”
Photo courtesy of Displate
To anyone who has lost a special person in their life, I want you to know that you are not alone. I know it may seem like your world is ending but trust me, it will get better. I want you to know the grieving process is a roller coaster. There is no one way someone experiences grief, but what I do know is after one year, the roller coaster starts to slow down, and days will seem brighter and smiles will shine larger.