With Valentine’s Day right around the corner I can’t help but think back to last year when I was in that group of people that was bitter because I was single and didn’t have a significant other to spend the day with. I realize now how ridiculous it was to be bitter about being single, but now that I have a special someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with I can’t help but think back to all the unhealthy relationships I almost got myself into over the years (cue the sigh of relief). I’m here to tell you that everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship. I’m going to say it again… EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! I’ve felt the pain of being rejected and feeling like I was never going to find someone that would be good for me. My advice is to enjoy being single because eventually the right person will come along. Plus, it’s been said you can’t love another person until you love yourself, and I don’t know you personally, but I’m sure you have a million reasons to love yourself. For when you do find a relationship one day, or you’re in one now that you’re no really sure of, this list can help you determine your situation.
1. Communication
I put communication first for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I think it’s the most important of all the components of a relationship. If you’re not communicating you can’t have an effective relationship.
Toxic Relationship: You find yourself waiting to hear from them even at times when you need to hear from them (ex. Like when you have legitimate plans for a date), or they take hours or sometimes even days to hear back from them. You’re always contacting them first about making plans or hanging out. When you have issues they don’t want to talk them out at all.
Healthy Relationship: They make plans and actually keep them and they talk to you almost every day. They don’t make you feel bad for wanting to spend time with them. They listen and have active conversations with you (about anything). Basically if communication is happening then your relationship is healthy, just make sure the communication isn’t making you feel bad about yourself because you might have an issue if it is.
2. Spending time together
Toxic Relationship: You might not spend that much time together and when you do you might feel tension. If they’re being closed off and won’t open up to you that might be a red flag to get out. If they don’t offer to go out with you in public then you definitely have a problem. It doesn’t necessarily mean going out on dates where you have to spend money but if they aren’t bringing you around their friends or inviting you to go do things with them then you probably need to reevaluate the relationship that you’re in because it more than likely isn’t in the healthy range anymore.
Healthy Relationship: You spend as much time as possible with your significant other. But if you’re busy they understand that they can’t see you at all hours of the day. They are more than willing to plan time together around your schedule. A lot of times they’ll want you to run errands with them or hang out with your respective friend groups. Like I said before dates that involve spending money aren’t everything in a relationship but going on dates (and you can find a lot of fun cheap and/or free stuff to do) is a big part of developing a healthy relationship.
3. Spending time apart
Toxic Relationship: As much as it’s important to spend time together it’s also important to spend time apart, and by time apart I mean having time to spend with your friends and family. If you’re in a toxic relationship sometimes this is an issue. If they are getting offended that you want to spend time with other people once in a while you should be concerned. It’s also important that they spend time with their friends and family too. If you focus on only spending your free time with them then it can become problematic because if you end up breaking up your friendships might not be as strong anymore.
Healthy Relationship: In a healthy relationship you won’t have to ask permission to spend time with your friends and family, if anything they will encourage it. They will understand that while you’re in a relationship with them that you still need time with the girls (or the guys depending on your gender) and vice versa.
4. Trusting each other
Toxic Relationship: In this kind of relationship you won’t trust each other, you might feel like they’re going behind your back with things. They also probably won’t trust you but not for the reasons you might not trust them (Or it could be the other way around). They might go on your Facebook or check your phone when you leave the room. They probably question you when you go out with your friends. Overall the trust just isn’t there in this relationship and without trust you can’t have a strong relationship.
Healthy Relationship: In a healthy relationship you’ll trust each other no matter what. You won’t have to worry that they’re going behind your back. You’ll know that they’re staying faithful to you when they’re with their friends and they’ll be able to trust you when you’re with your friends. When you have trust in a relationship it makes a relationship worth being in because you can be comfortable with the person you’re with.
These are just a few things that make up the structure of being in a relationship. There are a lot of other factors as well but remember if a relationship isn’t making you feel happy then you should consider working through the reasons why it’s not making you feel happy. If it’s not at a point where things can be worked on then that’s okay because you can eventually find a relationship that is healthy. There’s no shame in being single but a bad relationship can bring you down and you’re too amazing to let that happen to yourself!
PHOTO SOURCE: http://www.relationships-scotland.org.uk/relationship-counselling