For a large portion of my pre-teen years, I felt extremely uncomfortable in my femininity, and, because of this, I would actively avoid this part of myself at all costs.
Now that I’m older, I can look back at this time in my life with a new and better understanding of what I was actually going through.
I never would have admitted this in the past, but the reason I was so reluctant to succumb to any form of femininity was due to my fear of failure. In other words, I was afraid I would not be deemed “feminine enough”, which then translated into a fear of not being desirable.
It has been and continues to be drilled into the minds of girls from a very young age that in order to be considered pretty and likable, you must abide by certain stereotypical feminine qualities.
As much as I want to say that the reason I did not indulge in these presumed feminine ideals was because I wanted to rebel against these restricting stereotypes, I know deep down that that was not the case.
I was worried that I would not only disappoint society if I did not “succeed” at being feminine, but I was also worried that I was going to disappoint myself, because what else would I have going for me if I wasn’t perceived as the ultimate example of feminine beauty? Who would like me, who would want me?
It has taken me years to be able to address this topic, but I know now that femininity is not confined to one single idea, especially not the idea of it that is illustrated in the media.
Femininity is simply whatever you want it to be, there are no rules that you must follow nor requirements that you must fulfill; femininity is up for interpretation, and it is for everyone.
I am now confident to say out loud that yes, I am feminine, and it is not because I believe I “look feminine” or because I believe people see me as “being feminine”, it is because I feel feminine just the way I am.
I no longer believe that I have to change myself in order to experience femininity and I also no longer want to be feminine for other people as I now know that it is not synonymous with the prospect of being seen as desirable.
So with that, I encourage those reading this who are trying to navigate their sense of femininity to do so with confidence and with the unwavering notion that you can be whoever you want to be.