With “Rose’s Turn (Glee Cast Version)” trending on TikTok, I never realized how greatly I relate to that song. I have this thing called “Second Choice Syndrome”. It means that I have been second place in virtually everything I do. Whether it be school, boys, sorority I have always been second place. And this goes for even when I worked so hard on the project or position I am in. Sometimes you feel this more with boys, like for example I nursed this man back to health after he broke up with his last girlfriend. I was his shoulder to cry on, I listened to him talk about her for hours on end, and at one point I just wanted to tell him to just move on. But I was patient, hoping that one day he’ll realize what he’s looking for has been here the whole time. He completely ditched me for a whole other girl, like actually ghosted me and we were friends. His reasoning was “You’re just not my type, you know I like blondes”. When I hear the phrase “you’re just not my type,” it makes me want to curl up into a ball and never speak to a man again.
It is 2024. Why do we still have types? As a south asian woman, we automatically categorize ourselves as the second choice or no choice when it comes to guys because why would they like the Indian girl when they could have the blonde? When it comes to school, we are only second choice because people will see a person they are more familiar seeing in leadership roles and newsflash it is not an Indian woman. I was up for president in an organization and had all the qualifications for it too, and was overlooked. I had made significant changes to structure, I had made new accountability procedures, and many people from the organization supported me and told me I should apply to be president. I did not get the presidency because I was “over-qualified, too loud, and over confident”. As an Indian woman this was tough to hear and process because I can’t be too quiet, but then I can’t be too loud, but when I am too loud I become over-confident. I want girls to grow up never having to think about their second choice syndrome. I never want them to think “should I even do/apply for this, I am not going to get it anyway”. We need to do better for the young girls now and the young girls we were. We owe to the little girls in ourselves to be the best people and leaders we can be.