Failing is hard. In my academic career I have never failed an exam. Sure, I have gotten Cs or maybe a D, but after taking my first exam of the Spring 2024 semester this past weekend, I got my very first F. A very humbling experience to say the least, that still doesn’t feel real when I think about it. But nope, it is very much very real. Canvas doesn’t lie to you. I almost didn’t want to write this article because who in their right mind would put their defeats out into the world, where people can see the real you? It is embarrassing! However, 2024 is the year of authenticity and what better way to start a year of self-improvement and validity than a personal experience of failing.
I think it is safe to say that a lot of people are afraid to fail. As someone who struggles with imposter syndrome, I am definitely, and especially, afraid of messing up. I always worry about not being “good enough” and not “doing enough”, but that’s not something we should normalize as college students. I think that my failed exam is probably one of the biggest things I can learn from my college career because learning how to fail is important. In the aftermath of my failure, that sense of guiltiness and disappointment hurts the most, it feels as if I had just studied more or spent more time on something, then possibly I wouldn’t have failed. However, I, and a lot of people, have to learn that failing is normal and to experience failure is to experience life! Thus, here is how I am rewiring my brain to not be afraid of failing and how I’m navigating through failure.
I once had a conversation with one of my teachers who said that failing builds more skills than success. From learning from one’s mistakes to building resiliency. I’m sure we all know that quote that’s often tossed around: “failure allows you to grow.” It’s what we always hear when we make mistakes and while we may ignore it at the moment, it really is important to remember and accept.
It is true that failure allows you to grow. The people who created important inventions in our daily life underwent failure many times before getting their big break. Like Thomas Edison’s many experiment attempts before creating the lightbulb or Bill Gates before he created Microsoft. After seeing that wonderful F on my computer screen, I tried not to beat myself about it. Sure, I did spend the first few minutes––maybe more like an hour or two––moping and feeling all sorts of ways. I may have wanted to consult some retail therapy, eat some delicious ice cream, and lay in the comforts of my bed. But I didn’t let myself mope for too long. Instead of continuing to ponder all my regrets and “what went wrong” for the rest of the weekend, I chose to reflect upon the situation to see what I can learn. For example, in my case, now I know what the exams are like and know what study methods to employ for the next ones. To improve on the next exam, I am going to revisit my entire approach and apply what I have learned from this past experience. This shift helped me realize that this exam doesn’t define my future. It’s not like every single person I ever meet is going to ask me about the one exam I failed and judge me for it. While this is my first failure in my academic career, I’ve experienced failure in other parts of life whether it’s in friendships, job interviews, program applications, and more. Do I remember them? Not really. This helped me realize that it doesn’t define me, because if it did, I would remember them. That’s the beauty of it, really.
When you redefine what failure means to you, it gets easier to start overcoming your fear of failing. Overcoming this fear will allow you to live more freely. During a self-help workshop, I learned that people tend to procrastinate due to their fear of failure. While it is definitely easier said than done, getting over your fear will help you start things in a timely manner rather than procrastinate and push things off. One of the ways to get through this, is to allow yourself the room to fail.
Let yourself take risks with the sole purpose being that it’s what you want to do. Maybe you want to join a new student organization on campus, go do it. Maybe you want to apply for a job but you’re afraid that you’re not qualified, it doesn’t hurt to try. Maybe you want to start a new hobby but you don’t know if you will be able to learn it. So what? By allowing yourself the room to fail you allow yourself the opportunity to pursue what you want to do and live the life the way you want to live. The worst thing that could happen is it doesn’t work out, but even then at least you tried and that’s an accomplishment in itself! For example, I’m not going to withdraw from the class just because I failed the first exam. I’m going to try again, and allow myself the room to grow and learn. To allow myself (and yourself) to do something even if it might not work out, allows you to exemplify resilience. It means you are courageous even in the face of adversity and I think that’s an amazing quality to have. We always admire the confidence other people have. I think it’s time that we admire ourselves too.