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Sex + Relationships

Why We Can’t Stay Away from Toxic Guys

Raise your hand if you’re the type of girl to cry about not having a boyfriend and then continue to hook up with the “grade-A” as*hole who disrespects you, leaves you on read, and only hits you up at three in the morning to suck his d*ck. If this applies to you, then welcome to the club; we all know that boy. Everyone warns you about him, you know he’s a terrible person, and you know damn well that kind of drama is the last complication you need in your life right now, but for some stupid reason, we always come back. 

I feel like I continue to have the same conversations with myself and friends about these types of guys because to be completely honest, once you get sucked in, it’s a cycle. We get involved with them, get hurt, forgive them, and then try to fix it to get back to the original state you were in at the beginning. Despite all of the yelling and all of the pep-talks from your friends, you still seem to crawl back to them as if they deserve it. So why is that? Why are we all obsessing over these losers who only care about our bodies instead of our souls, you know the kind, the guy who drinks on Monday nights and listens to music on YouTube? As a preface, I might offend some people, I might trigger others, and I might even help some of you (even though I don’t even listen to myself), and with that, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the reason why we keep coming back to these toxic guys– even though they’re not what we need. 

The main reason that we keep getting sucked into these situations comes down to you. You might just think you can’t get away because he’s super attractive, he’s a good hookup, or that you are “really close with him unlike other people”, but all of that is bullshit. We stay because we want to fix them, and we want them to see us as a safe place. We want them to see that we’re the girls who they can trust and confide in about their own issues. So here you are, the superhero with a vagina, destined to fix the broken boy.

 I’m sorry, but this way of thinking is so pathetic. We are pathetic, including me. We think we can fix them and change them and make them better people, and for what? Hold on to your seatbelts ladies because I’m about to hurt some feelings. We do this because we crave control. This boy, this weed-smoking borderline-alcoholic man-boy who intimidates you and everyone else, the one who is practically dangerous, is one we think we can strap down and change. So then at the end, which never happens without bruises and scars, we get to be the one who is credited with their change. We took this psychopath and made him a good guy, and in that sense, we get the upper hand. Yes I know, it’s crazy and stupid, but it’s the truth.

Another reason we get sucked into these vicious cycles is to distract ourselves. This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I had a few people give me the same reason they stay with these toxic guys. You know how when you’re going through a hard time, you tend to talk to people that relate to you and can understand your struggles? It’s kind of like that, except, instead of confiding in them, you use their baggage to make you feel like you somewhat have your sh*t together. I know, that’s even more f*cked up, but I warned you all before reading this that I’m not holding back, so don’t come for me. Anyways, if you want to continue hooking up with these guys, for whatever reason, then go for it. I’m not here to stop you, or even stop myself because I am totally guilty of this too, but I feel like this needed to be addressed, just so we don’t spiral. What we do is crazy and stupid, but then again girls are crazy and stupid… (but not as crazy and stupid as men, obviously). 

**Side note that has nothing to do with all the preaching I just did: the sex with toxic boys is so much better than with non-toxic guys… so, I’m sorry to tell you that.**

 

Hey everyone! I'm Leila Fine and I'm a sophomore at URI majoring in Journalism and Film Media! I'm from Rockland County, NY Insta: leilaafine
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