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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

The Hard Truth About Being Friends with Benefits

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at URI chapter.

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake lied to us. Friends with benefits seems like the perfect way to balance your sex life and social life without all the commitment and drama, but in reality we all know what is bound to happen. You catch the feels and you think they do too but they actually don’t. You both said you wouldn’t and then things get weird and the sex becomes emotional and next thing you know it, you’re crying over a guy that you told everyone that you “don’t care about” in the beginning.

Everyone always says that dating your best friend is the best. You start out as friends, you’re comfortable with them, and then you fall in love and make beautiful children. I just want to say fuck you to everyone whose lives turn out that way because you’re giving me false hope. (Just kidding I’m glad you have a happy life). But basically what actually happens is that you become the girl who is “friends with more guys than girls because it’s easier.” You drunkenly hook up with one of them at a party, then again, then again, then again SOBER, then for like two months. The next thing you know it, he’s on a date with Jessica from the bar and now you have to pretend like you don’t care. But you know damn well know that she isn’t anything close to what he needs in his life because…it’s you. I know I went a little psychotic there but you get the gist of it. Bottom line is: you’re probably going to catch feelings. So now what? Do you tell him? Do you hide it and pretend everything is okay so you don’t ruin things? Do you end the relationship entirely? I’m not sure what you should do but instead, I’m going to tell you all of the outcomes of each of those decisions based on my own lovely experience. (You’re Welcome)!

Tell Him

Story number one starts off with a guy who I’m going to call Joe. (I’m using the Jonas Brothers for this entire article because there are three different guys and three different stories). So Joe and I actually met on tinder and we talked for a really long time before meeting up in person. And when I say it was the best first meet up ever from a tinder match, I’m being dead serious. We talked and laughed and joked and everything just felt so easy and comfortable. It was like we were the same person. So the days and weeks went by and started seeing Joe like every weekend. I met his friends and they all thought I was dope and said that I was “Joe with a vagina” and everything was great. Sex? Great. Friendship? Great. Everything in the first month? Great (for now).

So now Joe and I are really close and hanging out a lot and not even doing anything physical sometimes and just chilling as friends. Then one day, he canceled on me. He was being really weird and distant and I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t want to act like a crazy girlfriend but a part of me was jealous. Was he with another girl? Was he over hooking up with me? Did I say something wrong? Well, it turns out that it wasn’t just another girl, but his ex. I knew bits and pieces about her.

First off, she was actually stunning and perfect and second of all, he was really into her when they were together and she’s the one that called it off. So obviously I was fucked. I ended up seeing him later that week and I decided to man the fuck up and say something. He didn’t know what was going to happen with the ex but he could tell that I was catching feelings and I admitted to it. Obviously, this story has a sad ending so basically, he told me that he really likes hanging out with me and hooking up with me but never saw it as anything more than that. I was butthurt and confused. In my mind, we were literally a match made in heaven, but I eventually got over it. So the moral of this story is, if you tell him, you might not get the answer that you wanted.

Hide It

This next story isn’t necessarily about me, but actually, my friend who is still currently struggling with her man situation. So my friend Melissa has been hooking up with one of her best guy friends who I’m going to obviously call Nick. So they became really close friends during the first semester through one of Melissa’s neighbors who went to high school with him. Melissa was physically attracted to Nick since the beginning but he was still a little hung up on his ex-girlfriend at the time so she didn’t want to get involved. So winter break rolls around and Nick dead-ass drove THREE FUCKING HOURS TO SEE MELISSA ONCE OVER BREAK. Like I don’t know about you, but a guy, especially just a friend, never hauled ass and paid tolls just to see me. Melissa didn’t really suspect much of it but anyways, the second semester starts up and they begin to hang out more. And by more, I mean like twice a week became five times a week became literally every night.

Then one day while casually hanging out in his dorm, he just did it. He went in and kissed her. And from that moment on, you can probably guess what kind of things went down between them. But as time went on and their relationship grew stronger and more intense, so did the emotions attached. Melissa went from being this dude’s best friend to someone that shares one of the most intimate interactions any two people can do together. And like every other guy in a FWB relationship, they send so many mixed signals and act like your boyfriend and it just confuses Melissa and every single girl that’s been in this type of situation.

Now Melissa is stuck dealing with her “more than friends” feelings and anxiety and stress that comes along with their rocky relationship. We all know that at this point she likes him more than a friend, but there always comes the risk of ruining the relationship by admitting how you feel (via my stupidity with Joe) so she took the other approach. She hid it from him. It works when you’re with him but behind closed doors, I can’t tell you how many times Melissa drove herself crazy over Nick each night because he wasn’t answering her texts or hanging out with other girls. But Melissa and Nick are still going. I could say they’re going strong but that would be a lie so if you are thinking about hiding your feelings from your friend with benefits make sure you get a large bottle of melatonin or your going to be up all night baby girl.

End It

This last story is obviously about Kevin which is honestly the perfect coverup name because Kevin is the most relevant out of all the Jonas Brothers (no offense) just like this next story. It’s not fun or dramatic or steamy or anything special. Basically, Kevin and I were friends with benefits for a couple of months, and just like Nick and Joe, he was acting like my boyfriend even though he wasn’t. Hanging in my room, texting me good morning, kissing me goodbye, calling me beautiful *shudder.* Like even his fucking family knew who I was and some of them thought we were actually together. At first, I felt like Melissa. I was jealous of other girls, emotional over him, basically completely obsessed. But then I randomly realized that just because I have something, more so someone, who envisions the exact image I want for a boyfriend/perfect relationship, doesn’t mean I actually need it. I was happy don’t get me wrong, but as much as I want to settle down, I want to go crazy (gO sTUpiD) too. So what did I do ladies? I ghosted him. So Kevin, if you’re out there and you are reading this, I’m sorry for dropping you out of nowhere but don’t act like my boyfriend and confuse my sensitive heart. Thanks and good luck.


Hey everyone! I'm Leila Fine and I'm a sophomore at URI majoring in Journalism and Film Media! I'm from Rockland County, NY Insta: leilaafine