What NOT to Wear for Halloween

1. Harley Quinn

Trust me, this is tough for me, too. For anyone and EVERYONE who saw Suicide Squad, the immediate universal reaction was “omg I wanna be Harley for Halloween” (yes, even the boys), leading to a dramatic influx of HQ wannabes and little light for the real cosplayers. Unless you are her absolute spitting image, don’t bother.

2. The Joker

For the boys who aren’t fantasizing about being Harley Quinn, I know you’re fantasizing about getting with her. And what better way than to dress as her male counterpart? Harley can’t resist her Puddin’, right? Wrong! You, sir, are not Jared Leto. Any girl fanning hard enough to blow big bucks on an authentic HQ costume is likely fanning just as hard - if not, harder - on Leto’s impeccable bone structure. At most, you’ll find your Harley and take a drunken photo together… but don’t count on it.

3. Clown

Please. I beg of you, please please please please please, for the sake of my personal sanity and the rest of the human population’s, POR FAVOR LES PIDO do NOT dress up as a clown. I wasn’t even scared of them until their random wood-wandering went viral. Honestly, truly.

4. Pikachu

Cute, but let’s be honest. It’s gon’ be real overdone. If you’ve got your whole squad - I mean all 151 pokemon plus Ash, Misty, Brock and Dr. Oak (but like, his hot papi version) - you have my blessing. I guess if you’ve only got Squirtle, Bulbasaur and Charmander on your team, it’s still pretty cute, but don’t fly solo on this one. Si te lo tiras anyway, get ready to hear a lotta this: Are you a pokemon? Cause I wanna pikachu. *eye roll*

5. Disney Princess

Let it go. We’re in college now, sweetheart. Prince Charming isn’t gonna save you from the tower of lies your parents spoonfed you off a silver platter during your diaper days. Tiaras are fun, but not in the name of delusion. Save the poofy dress and over the top jewels for your wedding; it’s the only day a woman really gets to manifest that level of princess type shade and still get away with it.

6. Cat

There are enough stray felines rendezvousing around Puerto Rico, disrupting the peace with their loud cat sex. Don’t add to the overpopulation problem. If you wanna be catty, you gotta do it with purpose. Go for a dom look, find a friend that resembles Trump, put a collar and leash on him, and call it a revolutionary political statement.

7. Adam and Eve

Halloween is either about honoring the dead or wearing as little material as possible. I appreciate you trying to kill two birds with one stone (although whether Adam and Eve ever lived in the first place is debatable), this is the kind of couples costume that should remain in the bedroom. No one wants be reminded of eternal damnation midway turnup. Aight?