My Cold Letter to You, Freshman

What would be a proper way to introduce myself?

I could say, “Hey!” No, that sounds too simple, “Howdy!” Nah...“Hello”? That's kinda cringy and besides, that's Adele's thing.

I’m just going to keep it simple:

Hi. I am currently in my fourth year of college, and no, it’s not my last. Also, no, I don’t know how many years I have left. Okay, now that we got that out of the way, we can start.

Have you seen that meme that has been going around (for a while now, it’s old AF) that says that college is like riding a bike, only that the floor is on fire? Yeah, well that was an understatement. Let me walk you through it.

First, you meet a lot of people... emphasis on A LOT. College is so diverse and huge that you never really have the chance to meet everyone, but you still get a chance to spend time with many different people. That's great, but the thing no one tells you is that you're alone most of the time. Your friends’ schedule isn't the same as yours, so they are mostly in class when you're free, and at first, that can suck. Advice: this isn't high school anymore. You don't need to rely on friends to get things done, so start doing your own thing, you got this! Yeah, it's great to have people around, but learn to do things even when you're alone. Eating by yourself isn't as bad as it sounds, you know?

Second, that teacher you hated because her class was so complicated? You will come to worship her. You see, professors have a way of being...what's a word I can use to not offend anyone? I’m going to say basura, which is garbage in Spanish, but it sounds mysterious and classy so no one is going to get offended. Obviously, not all of them are basura, but most of them are, so that horrible high school teacher won't seem like such a b*tch when you find yourself already knowing how to factorize even when your Calculus professor never explained it. So, thumbs up for you and your witch of a high school teacher.

What’s the next number? Three, right? Remember the first one, where you were going to end up alone with no friends? ‘Kay, well, mommy isn't here either. Some may think that that's a good thing, but in reality, it sucks. You won't have those nice and warm home-cooked meals anymore. Now you will be forced to eat frozen meals and loads of ramen. No more clean clothes or nice sets of freshly washed sheets every week. Now you will have to learn your way through everything you mom did for you. Don't worry, you’ll manage.  It's a process, but you'll get the hang of it in no time.

Well folks, we have reached the last one: freedom. Ah, finally we are free enough to go out as many times as we want, and the best part of it all, no curfew! Doesn’t that sound amazing? Yeah, it’s pretty great, actually. Keep in mind, though, that “with great freedom comes great responsibility” (thanks, 2002-circa Spider Man). So don't eff it up, take the time to acknowledge that there's time for everything, that partying isn't everything, and that sometimes we have to pass on the jangeo so we can study for that huge test we keep procrastinating studying for. So, keep that in mind before you go all crazy, okay?

Well, that’s everything I have to say for now. I hope that I didn't scare you, because college is a great experience filled with huge opportunities if you sort things out and have your priorities straight.

Best of luck,

A fourth year student