Abuse comes in all shapes and colors. It can be the blued bruise on someone’s right thigh; it can be the clashing sound of threats at 3 in the morning. Abuse can be the uncontrollable power urge at a party, or the insistently obsessive text messages round the clock. Whatever the form it chooses to take, unarguably abuse will often feel like a permanent stain on the body and mind. The silence it usually exerts makes it difficult to fight off- whether it is silence from the harrowed victim or silence from its frightened onlookers. In fact, based on a 2015 study performed by RUM’s Psychology department that focused on sexual harassment on campus, merely 6% of all women who had claimed feeling involved in a sexually harassing situation- which was 50% of all interviewed- formally reported their case to higher authorities.
This silence from victims, according to the study, mainly stemmed from 3 factors: fear of potential retaliation from the attacker, little to no understanding of the protocols following the attack and lack of faith in the system. To put the growing problem into perspective, in 2009 Puerto Rico’s Police Statistics Division exposed that out of 19,000 cases of domestic abuse reported in Puerto Rico, 27% were between the ages of 18 and 24- a shockingly high number considering it includes PR’s educated, growing youth.
Photo from thetruthaboutdomesticviolence
Traces of a blurred type of abuse, one that escalates unnoticeably, beneath the surface of love proclamations and heavy make-ups, can be seen in Sara’s* story.
When Sara met Juan* at the beginning of her freshman year, things seemed to have been carrying on beautifully. A much older man, Juan was much more established than Sara. But gifts and flattery soon began transforming into something else. Control and manipulation became the words that described their dynamic, with Juan overseeing Sara’s every move and interaction with others. There was no friend to be texted. Driving back home on the weekends was no longer an option. Soon Juan became increasingly obsessed with keeping Sara close ‘round the clock, with him going so far as to driving Sara as well as waiting outside her classes to take her back home. He became infatuated with the idea of keeping her near at any cost, all the time, proposing to marry or impregnate her, even forcing the latter at times. However, the real problems usually came up at the liveliest scenarios. Any jangeo usually involves alcohol, and alcohol became the medium through which Juan’s frightening true colors emerged. Where alcohol was involved, simple arguments escalated into full blown fights where bellowing screams and cries became the norm. It was on one of these nights the most heated of all their arguments took place. After a seemingly trivial fight was exacerbated by heavy drinking, Juan, much larger and heavier in size, ended up forbidding Sara to leave her apartment and yanked her forcefully inside- an action which was already routine. However, this time he went as far as stripping her clothes and tearing away her car keys in order to prevent her from stepping out. Pushing her against her apartment wall and threatening to physically hurt her, Sara became an emotional wreck. Fortunately, she managed to escape that night, and for the first time, the authorities became her first and only stop.
Photo Credit: Amanda Punshon
A restraining order under the protective law No. 54, which shelters and protects women involved in abusive relationships, was placed against him. However, this still was not enough to keep him fully away Sara felt. “He had people follow me. I could tell because I would see random people I didn’t know snap pictures of me”. Nevertheless, for the time being Sara felt relieved, albeit terrified from her past experiences. Under the protection of the law, guards on campus were required to escort her in and out of classes- a protective measure required under this law. Six months later, though, around the expiration date of his restraining order, the former couple accidentally bumped into each other. Almost immediately after this meeting, and following the same pattern of many victims of abuse, Sara and Juan retook their relationship. But the situation soon reverted to old trends: the manipulation persisted, the jealousy was still rampant. As it turns out, a very public display of verbal aggression affected Sara so forcefully it finally drew her to quit the relationship permanently.
Sara sought help from friends and family, who aided her in moving on- and she eventually did. She’s currently in a healthy, happy relationship with another man closer to her age and life experiences. Although Juan has tried to rekindle the relationship, Sara is now more determined than ever to reject that part of her life. “He started getting help to show me he’s changing, but he’s not going to change I know it. It happened once (the trauma) and that’s enough”.
Photo Credit: Mike Scully
Different options exist to help cope with the experiences of abuse as well as help break away from them. Siempre Vivas is an on campus organization that aims to bring support and aid to women that have experienced violence or harassment first hand, with weekly therapy sessions offered in the form of a support network. Psychological therapy can also be beneficial, and appointments are offered free of charge for students at the university. Abuse can creep up silently but heavily, and whether it happens instantly or after a few months, whether it’s under the guise of “love”, or flat out obsession, it’s important to be aware that no sort of ill-treatment should ever be tolerated.
Picture from lovenotpower
Siempre Vivas contact information:
· Email: siemprevivas@uprm.edu
· 787-538-0632 (Nancy Toro- Coordinator)
· http://siemprevivas.uprm.edu/index.php
Psychological Services on Campus:
· Servicios Medicos building (1st floor)
· (787) 832-4040 Ext. 2333, 3175, 3722, 3865, 3405
· http://www.uprm.edu/orientacion/servicios_intercrisis.html
University Guard contact info:
· Available everyday, 24 hours a day
· (787) 832-4040 Ext. 3263, 3872, 3620, 3275, 3597, 2458, 3538
· University Guard facilities: in front of Physics building (Ave. Las Palmeras)
*Names have been changed to protect privacy of the individual